Nitin Gadkari asks people to catch flies and mosquitoes to create alternate fuel

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 31 July 2019 | Posted in , ,

India's transport minister Nitin Gadkari asked Indians to collect flies and mosquitoes this season as it will reduce dependency of petrol and diesel by 20kgs per year. Speaking to the students of 1.5x Brain Development Institute of India, Gadkari was enthused in announcing his new discovery after the most sought out discovery of hair as alternative fertilizer. He said "Every Indian could contribute to reduce the dependency on petrol and diesel by collecting flies and mosquitoes alive. I, personally have found that each and every hair on their body carries a large amount of undiscovered gases to world which replace petrol and diesel. I need every Indian to practice it every morning, evening and night. But I need them alive as each and every hair should be collected from the living bodies of flies and mosquitoes. You would not believe that India will reduce it's dependence on imported fuel by 20000 grams."

Talking to students, he said he has already implemented the scheme in his home constituency, Nagpur and collected almost 200 million (20 crores) of flies and mosquitoes with gases of 25 grams. "I asked people with no job to do this and I will pay one rupee per fly and mosquito. They said they are as it is sitting empty after pakoda frying, so no issues in catching few flies and mosquitoes. And I tell you today many 'nalla' public of Nagpur is employed. Many state governments are in touch with me understanding the success of the project. I told them whatever machinery and government's assistance you need, I will help you. I also talked to Finance Minister Nirmala Sitharaman to provide budgetary support to the project, which she would do by putting some more taxes on super rich."

Talking about sourcing, Gadkari enlightened students that India is a vast source of flies and mosquitoes and they could be used for some nation building. "As it is they were flying here and there without a fraction of use for our country. So I decided them to catch alive and use for reduction of costly fuel dependency. I am targeting 20 kgs of fuel replacement by 2023. And you know my commitment. Whatever I commit I fulfill. I never promise what I am unable to fulfill."

When asked about what would happen to electric vehicles and all, he said "What was that? I will discuss that in my next speech next week as how electric vehicles would replace the fuel collected from flies and mosquitoes."

(Satire and Fake News. Contributed by Over Intelligent Chachu graduated from 1.5x Brain Development Institute of India)

Supreme Court bans Arnab Goswami for creating noise pollution

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 10 October 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

After a historic judgment of banning firecrackers on Diwali, the Hon. Supreme Court has decided to curb down the noise pollution from India. In a right direction, the court has decided to ban cracking mouth of Arnab Goswami, the Television anchor of Republic TV to support the right to life of people across the age and genres.

"Arnab's voice is more harmful than any kind of pollution including pollution created by firecrackers. We have got an public litigation appeal from his wife Pipi Goswami whose hearing capacity has deteriorated to alarming 10% levels. While we don't have any other sample that suggests the intensity of the hurt created by Arnab's unbearable voice, for the benefits of public and for their right to life, we decided to put a complete unconditional ban on Arnab Goswami's voice," the SC judgment read.

A millions of Indians decided to celebrate their fresh chance of life after SC judgment.

After ban on firecrackers - Supreme Court judges, environmentalists to stop using cars and vehicles

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , , ,

After banning firecrackers on Diwali, Supreme Court judges reciprocated the decision to them also and ordered themselves to stop using personal vehicles and cars. Judges decided to use bicycles immediately which will help them reduce pollution substantially. Judges also asked parents of three kids who appealed against the firecrackers in Diwali festival to start using bicycles or walk till the last mile. The Supreme Court decision also applies to the environmentalists and liberals who always cry against the Hindu festivals as pollution creating ones and support environment.
"We will stop using vehicles as they create pollution," said Supreme Court Judge A K Sikri who gave judgment against firecrackers "We also appeal to the parents of these three victim kids to stop using vehicles and start their bicycles. If they can't afford them walk which would be better for their health. And for environmentalists, as you asked us to ban firecrackers on Diwali, same thing applies to you. Stop using posh cars and vehicles."
The judgment is applied immediately and all these who support ban on firecrackers will start running on the roads using their feet or bicycles.
Disclaimer: This is a satire and fake news. Author asks to take it in right spirit. We have greatest of respect about Supreme Court and always respect their decisions.

After Padmavati, Sanjay Leela Bhansali to direct Doremon's love story

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , , , , , , , ,

The India Satire - Motivated by the huge success of his upcoming movie Padmavati's trailer, great director Sanjay Leela Bhansali has decided to do something different for his next venture. Breaking his silence about what next after Padmavati, Bhansali said he is working on the script of love triangle of Doraemon, Nobita and Shizuka.
"I have a script in my mind which will be finalized just after the release of Padmavati. I am fan of the unfulfilled love story of Doraemon, Nobita and Shizuka since my childhood," Bhansali, director of Bajirao Mastani and Ramleela told India Satire correspondent.

​Talking about the love triangle of Doraemon, Nobita and Shizuka which is not very well known to the world, Bhansali said "Doraemon loved Nobita while Nobita's love interest was Shizuka and Shizuka ended up loving Doraemon which stretched out the relationship among the trio and finally ended up with Doraemon Nobita's marriage while Shizuka put ends her life during the wedding ceremony."
This is going to be the saddest movie in the entire world, confirmed Bhansali. He said that the cast will be replaced perfectly by Ranveer Singh, Deepika Padukone and Shahid Kapoor with Doraemon, Shizuka and Nobita respectively.
"I love making sad movies, which makes people feel pathetic and depressed. Doraemon Love Triangle - the beta name of the movie will be the saddest movie of the entire universe," SLB confirmed "I will import all the sets from different planets and costume will be designed according to the cartoons. I guarantee you that you will laugh out loud on this idea and will cry when you watch the movie."
Satire and Fake News
Source - The India Satire

Today, we will talk only Positive Side of Rahul Gandhi and opposition

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 25 September 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

After so many decades, my mother knew that I write satirical articles or Chaakhnyau. She asked me stop writing satire as for satire creation a person has to look into negative side and show dirt as to write negative about innocent boy Rahul Gandhi,. She made me understand that a satirist (Chakhnyaurya) makes blameless Rahul as fool, unwise and a villain. She asked at least on Tuesday (Hanuman Day) I should write positive.

So, today, I shall offer you positive side.

Positive side is that Rahul Gandhi visited Dwaraka Hindu temple. I shall not tell negative about Rahul Gandhi that it is too late as Congress is already slated anti Hindu party. I shall also not tell negative about Rahul that his all postures especially when he gives lectures to farmers and laborers are humorous and not of a strong leader postures.

Day by day, Modi is becoming more powerful and no alternate for Modi is there in national scene. I will not tell you that more than Mamata, Mayavati and Akhilesh, top BJPmen are worried that they have to bow before Modi.

Right wing intellectuals are   happy that slowly, right wing thinkers are occupying at influential places as Universities, newspapers and other institutions. I shall not tell you the negative points that left wing intellectuals those were occupying influential positions are irritated, frustrated and want to do suicide that now, they have to work hard for their livelihood. I shall not tell negative point that left wing intellectuals had wrong notion that they only have birth right to be at influential positions.

Good point is that by seculars showing sympathy with Rohingya Muslim refugees , Indian citizens came to know that secular politicians have soft heart for humanity. Otherwise, common perception was that politicians are heartless, don't believe in humanity. I will not tell you negative side that seculars strongly sympathizing Rohingya Muslims are provoking majority Hindus and polarizing the nation.

I shall not also talk about appeasing Muslims by Mamata Banerjee.    

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti Mumbai, 2017

United Nations General Assembly arranges special session to laugh on Pakistan's allegations on India

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 24 September 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

New York: All 193 member countries of General Assembly of United Nations (UNGA), except Pakistan have decided to meet and laugh out loud (lol) like crazy on the recent terror allegations levelled by Pakistan on India. All the member countries will meet just after concluding the current official session of UN and will try to elope their laugh hidden in their tummy after Pakistan said India was mother of terrorism and showed pellet gun victim of Gaza instead of so-called Kashmir victims.

Secretary-General of UN, António Guterres confirmed the special arrangement of such kind of session where the member countries will be allowed to laugh out loud for at least one hour and let them free of any stuck up issues before they return back to their respective nations.

"It was funny when Pakistan's permanent representative to the UN Maleeha Lodhi goofed up at UN showing Gaza image that of a Kashmiri girl. She also called India as mother of terrorism. This means limit yaar! How could anyone control their laughter. All the member countries except Pakistan came to me and ask to call a special session so that they could clear their throats by laughing out loud for at least an hour. These member countries told me that after Pakistan Prime Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi's funny speech, they as it is felt stomach pain as they had to control their laugh due to diplomatic formalities. However, Maleeha Lodhi episode was worst and now they don't have an option but to laugh. Therefore, I finally decided to call a special session wherein they could release their stuck up laughing gases once and for all," António Guterres told India Satire correspondent.

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