Published On:Sunday, 2 March 2014

Arvind Kejriwal is now fully integrated as a perfect politician - Aam Aadmi Party

In its press release, Aam Aadmi Party announced that its chief Arvind Kejriwal has now become a full fledged politician with additional ability to turn truth into lie. The press release confirmed that apart from rhetorical skills AAP chief has adopted skills of political liars which would help him to sustain in the politics for long.

"He is now a perfect politician, the dream I had seen since his birth. Now he can turn anything into right or wrong. He has completed all the 9 steps to become a perfect politician. Arvind now has emerged as a perfect political leader who can say lies, give false promises and show (unachievable) dreams to people. Recently, he has also learned how not to run away from the responsibilities and glue to the chair like anything," said Yogendra Yadav, another leader of AAP.

Yogendra Yadav told reporters that Arvind Kejriwal has now eligible to chair PM's post and would love to serve the nation for next 5 years.

Yogendra Yadav circulated a checklist which was also duly voted by AAP leaders and workers, accepting Arvind Kejriwal as a perfect politician.

Yadav confirmed that Kejriwal also differs with Narendra Modi, in terms of performance and Rahul Gandhi in terms of non performance.

"He already had special qualities of creating propaganda, raising voice on unnecessary issues, challenging without evidences, but now he has adopted skills like blatantly speaking lies. These qualities would help him keep his tempo of growth towards PM's post," said Yadav.

9 Steps to become a perfect politician

1.    Show the dreams, possibly unachievable but idealistic - Don't need to fulfill them, its just telling that you will do this and that.

Checklist – Told UP voters about free power and water, while conveniently forgetting about 3 months. He also missed a point saying that he had no plan before becoming chief minister on how to reduce power prices. He bashed UP CM Akhilesh Yadav for not keeping 200 crore rupees a month as a subsidy for cheap power, by the way the amount was for Delhi which he conveniently kept hidden.

2.    Call everybody corrupt and liar - God knows who is liar, but aam aadmi wants to listen that

Checklist – Simple all politicians are corrupt and most of the businessmen (particularly Ambanis) are crony capitalists, as per media and general perception, no need for evidences and use words like janta ki adalat. Kejriwal successfully completed this course.

3.    If you have mastered secularism then nothing better than that - Yea corruption can now become secondary or even tertiary topic

Checklist – What is the relationship of corruption and communalism? Only Kejriwal knows. Now its difficult to defeat bigger party on corruption topic then bash it on communalism topic.

4.    Country, gosh, nothing about country, only about secularism - As a perfect politician you have no abilities to do good for country so stop using your dirty mouth.

Checklist – Nothing in the mind for country. It comes next. Included JNU professor Kamal Mitra Chenoy who has a track record for supporting Kashmiri separatists against India (read his Twitter page). Never tried to keep Prashant Bhushan’s mouth shut.

5.    Create huge rhetoric - Yea identify the emotionally sensitive topic, identify the socially acclaimed corrupt and thieve and start raising your voice, create noise and create propaganda.

Checklist – No. 1 in terms of creating rhetoric. No need to give certificate.

6.    Always aim for best - Chief Minister's post is always secondary compared to Prime Minister's post. Becoming king maker is also a good idea. Don't use long route of completing CM's term and then becoming PM. Its very long route, ask your supporters to vote on SMSes and emails so that it would be perfectly official.

Checklist – Proved to AAP internal committee that Delhi CM’s post was just a first step of entering in India’s Parliament. It was a pre planned agenda that proves how much he is intelligent.

7.    Turn truth into lie – After becoming a big leader, adopt this special ability. Create a clean chit department in the party to give clean chits to party leaders and always call others corrupt, no need for any evidences

Checklist – Successfully proved that Somnath Bharti is better than Arun Jaitley. Also raised voice against Ambani-Modi-Gandhi nexus without any proofs. Never bashed by courts and therefore he is perfectly mastered in this course.

8.    Don't run away from responsibilities, just glue to the chair - No need to fulfill promises which were already unachievable. Just try to stick to the chair as like fevistick has been used. (Kejriwal has learned it recently).

Checklist – Ready to give promise in writing that he would never immediately leave PM’s post if he gets majority.

9.    Never give interviews after you become a big political leader - What transparency and accountability, both are fucking useless barriers to any political leader. Stop giving senseless interviews, if you are giving then first select questions fitted to answer.

Checklist – Talking to dumb media guys is so idiotic but necessary. Now a huge relief.

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