Published On:Monday, 14 December 2015

Fed Chairperson Janet Yellen to take guidance from Indian analysts; their responses post rate hike leaked

Washington D.C.: 14-December-2015
Before rate decision in Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) meeting on 16th Dec, US Federal Reserve's Chairperson Janet Yellen has decided to take guidance from the group of intellectual journalists and analysts in India. The panel consists of eminent names from India viz., Udayan Mukhrjee, Shankar Sharma, Latha Venkatesh, Sudarshan Sukhani, SP Tulsian and Anuj Singhal.
"Yellen loves our advice and we love giving it at free of cost," said Anuj,  most fashionable analyst of CNBC TV18 who practically visited salon and spa to colour his face, straighten his hair and beautifully threaded his eyebrows "Or else who in India would take us seriously?" Anuj also bought a range of lipsticks to create his first influence on Yellen.
While official reason behind inviting these eminent panelists is unknown, according to unofficial sources Fed Chairperson knew that her confirmed rate hike requires validation from few immensely natural bears.
The Fed source said "Only these people could give her all the fuel to prove she was right in raising rates. However, Sonia Shenoy was excluded from the panelists due to her cheerful and happy face irrespective of market directions. Yellen wants hardcore bear tinge before taking any decision on rate."
India Satire correspondent leaked the ready arguments of all the distinguished panelists that would be told by them in interviews over rate hike decision at FOMC meeting
·         Sudarshan Sukhani - "Market has its own mind, stay cautious."
·         SP Tulsian - "Market will remain volatile (as if we don't know)."
·         CNBC TV18's most energetic anchor, Latha Venkatesh starts jumping with excitement over rate hike and answers in highest decibel possible for human beings - "Fed is going to follow my recommendation."
·         Anuj, (confused what is going around but has to prove himself as an intelligent journo/analyst) - "Market will remain range bound in the course till expiry. Don't do anything for next 4 years, stay away from markets."
·         Udayan (with extremely grim expression on his face, though it's very natural and regular on any occasion) with some depressed intellectual bantering, completely dodges question, warns retail investors for volatility and advises them to remain invested for the long term and confuses the person who had asked the question.
·         Shankar Sharma - "See I told you during 2002 only, to sell India, Fed is going to hike interest rate because of NDA government in India."
(Reported by our eminent journalist Swati Gupta)

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