Published On:Thursday, 11 August 2016

Get me Currency Printing Machine

​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

The wife grumbled, "I can't show my face to any friends in the locality even to vegetable venders" the wife shouted

I asked," What is wrong with your face? Your face is still charming and people think that it is my second marriage."

The wife said, "I am not talking about my  attractive face. I am talking about my dishonored, disgraceful and shameful state. Every friend of mine has and I don't have. I feel shamed as I don't have and my all friends have it."

I asked, "What is it?"

"My every 'Saheli' has money plant, mint machine or currency printing machine." Sobering, she told.

I asked, "What should I do if your every 'saheli' has currency printing machine?"

"You also bring mint machine for me to show all those 'saheli' who are envying me." She said.

"Nobody can't have private currency machine in India." I explained.

She explained," You open a coaching class as Mr. Khote opened ten Khote Koaching Klass and minted money. Mrs. Khote always tells me that presently; the coaching class business is as good as opium drug business."

I objected, "Coaching class business can't be good business. Mr. Khote is in jail."

She said, "Mr. Khote is not in jail for opening coaching classes but is in jail for Mr. Khote killing his rival Mr. Ghate of Ghate Koaching Klass. Ghate became the biggest threat in business for Khote."

"You know that I am fit for teaching but not for cheating classes" I denied her advice.

 "Then you publish 'Sure Success Guide' for students. Mrs. Thagu Ram whose husband is publisher of 'Sure Success Guide" informed me that 'Sure Success Guide' publishing business is as good as  Kidney selling business for  making easy money" She said .

I reminded, "Mr. Thagu is also in jail."

The wife clarified quickly "Mr. Thagu is not in jail for 'Sure Success Guide' publication but for killing the writer of 'Sure Success Guide' books. The writer was asking partnership from Mr. Thagu.  Sons of Mr. Thagu are looking after lucrative business"

"I can write guide books but can't do business. I don't want to be killed by a publisher" I showed my fear.

She suggested, "Mrs. Ghoosilal was telling me that 'Sure Exam Questions' publishing is huge fortune making business among education businesses. Just publish 4 hours before exam the 'Sure Exam Questions' and build the buildings."

   "It should be a sinful business. Mr. Ghoosilal is also in jail." I said.

"Mr. Ghoosilal is not in jail for publishing 'Sure Exam Questions' but for injuring professor the question paper in charge . The professor did not disclose the questions papers one day before the exam to Mr. Ghoosilal. Mrs. Ghoosilal runs the business smoothly in his absence." My wife said.

"I don't want to injure somebody and go jail."  I said

"Then you go for printing 'Fake Degree' business. Mr. Nakalchand has a gold mining business of 'Fake Degree' business. Mrs. Nakalchand was telling me that 'Fake Degree' Printing Business" is far safer than Fake Currency Printing Business." There was another advice for making easy money.

"Mr. Nakalchand is in coma for a year." I reminded.

The wife quickly justified, "Mr. Nakkalchand is not in coma because of Police Lathi charge. Mr. Nakalchand denied 'Fake Degree 'without money to a minister's and the minister's son hit iron rod on Mr. Nakalchand 's head. His wife is running the 'Fake Degree' Printing Business hassle free"

"I will never go for that business that diminishes out education system. I am the son of a freedom fighter. For me, 'Butter less Bread' at home is better than Butter Parantha in jail" I declared bluntly.

"Our Politicians are better than you who don't fulfill promises but keep on promising." The angry wife said.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

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