Published On:Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Pakistan to start University of Begging

​Trying to monetize its expertise in begging as well as to train the fourth world countries which include Somalia, Libya, Sudan, Nijeria, etc., Pakistan Government under the supervision of its army chief General Raheel Sharif has announced University of Begging. The development came just after Pakistan urged World Bank to stop Indian key projects on rivers of Jammu & Kashmir.

"We are damn good in the art of begging. When yesterday I was having a family get together with General saahib an idea came to my mind of having a University that teaches all the arts of begging from the world. General saahib was pleasantly surprised with my idea and asked me to make a formal plan so that we could monetize on our expertize. He suggested me to include few other chhote Pakistans like Somalia, Sudan and Libya who are deprived of these essential skills which would help nations like us live with pride at free of cost," Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif told media.

Explaining the plan, Sharif told media that in the first phase Pakistan will set up University in the heart of Islamabad and teachers will be esteemed scholars, diplomats and politicians, which include former prime ministers. In the second phase, the country will set up colleges in major cities like Rawalpindi, Karachi and Lahore. In the third phase, the colleges will be set up in Sudan, Somalia and Libya.

"We plan to take technical inputs from North Korea a competitor of Pakistan in the art of begging. However, Pakistan has an edge as it has developed all the skills of begging while North Korea only uses blackmailing as the technique of begging. We invited Janab Kim-Jong-Un to take guest lecture which he happily accepted," said Sharif, explaining the plan.

According to Pakistan media, the idea of University of Begging will have positive results on Pakistan's economic clout. Pakistan's bonds with key countries like Somalia and Sudan which are trying to learn art of begging since decades will improve significantly. However, the media also expressed caution over India being a destructive force.

"Pakistan needs to remain cautious. Although, Begging University will generate crores of jobs as most of us are real beggars, India will not sit quite and destroy the idea from its roots. We need to take China into confidence and ask them to set up entire infrastructure so that the powerful country will protect us and our esteemed universities from probable attack by India," a Dawn article suggested.

An article by the Tribune, another leading English daily, suggested that government should import newer techniques and skills from its counterparts. It said "We need to have a dialogue with ISIS which has generated tremendous expertise in the art of scoulding which we could use effectively for begging in front of world. Although, Al Qaeda and Afghan Taliban are mostly bankrupt, we should ask them to join us and give us their key skills. Course content should also cover Prime Minister's life who pussyfoot his army general and begs in front of world. Also how the army general personally trains him to go every door of every country with that bowl."

According to sources close to Nawaz Sharif, the university will give free begging bowl with high tech systems like Bluetooth and wifi for every new joining.

Course Contents (Confidential):

1.      Licking sleepers of army generals

2.      Licking sleepers of jihadis or extremists whatever related to your country

3.      Ways to hold begging bowl so that you will look original beggar

4.      Begging on the street

5.      Begging on the streets of key developed countries like US, Europe and Russia

6.      Begging to key personnel such as presidents and prime ministers of above mentioned key countries/regions

7.      Begging at UNGA

8.      Art of grabbing

9.      Art of blackmailing

10.  Art of scoulding

11.  Art of kidnapping

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