Study reveals PM Narendra Modi and Digvijay Singh were real brothers in their past birth

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 28 July 2014 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

A study by students of reincarnation studies has revealed that India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi and Congress Senior Leader Digvijay Singh were real brothers in their last birth. The study also revealed that there were few days in their life when they shared common views and were in fully agreement with each other on most of the issues.

"We had a brief visit in circa 1514-65 AD when we met Mr. Modi and Digvijay Singh in their last birth. It was a very brief visit to their family and friends. Digvijay Singh was Kripashankar and Narendra Modi was Ramshankar and had great bondage with each other. They were so much glued to each other that nobody could even thought of entering between them. Most of the times, they shared common views and fully supported each other's opinions on topics such as India's political conditions of that time. Kripashankar was a bit strict, sensible, strong, but mature person while Ramshankar was a bit naughty and outgoing one," said Ramnath Gumfa, Dean of Indian Institute of Study on Reincarnation.

Gumfa told India Satire correspondent that he has collected the DNAs of both Narendra Modi and Digvijay Singh at that time to prove his study. Ramnath also told correspondent that he was more interested in finding out the roots of fierce enmity between them.

"It was because of Pappushankar who joined them as a friend and influenced Kripashankar's thoughts through his strong oratory skills and idealistic nature. Pappushankar always believed in woman and youth empowerment. While Kripashankar impressed with Pappushankar's arguments, aggressive and naughty Ramshankar couldn't digest them and both had a split. I have also collected the DNA sample of Pappushankar and I am sure that he must be Rahul Gandhi in the current birth," said Ramnath Gumfa.

Kamaal Rashid Khan (KRK) completed 14 lakh abuses on Twitter

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 22 July 2014 | Posted in , , , , , ,

Bollywood actor and popularly known as KRK, Kamaal Rashid Khan completed 1.4 million abuses on Twitter since the day he joined the social media networking site.

By calling one of the bollywood actors 'ch*t*a', KRK announced his successful journey of creating new record of abuses on the social media.

The actor announced his accomplishment by saying 'Ch*t*a! KRK made the best BC 1.4 million abuses, nobody has ever accomplished. I am feeling like big ch*t*a today. God bless me!"

Interestingly, KRK's followers have abused him 4 times more than KRK abused anybody on the social platform, indicating the liberty provided by KRK to his fans.

"I gave them a chance abuse me," said KRK proudly.

Type of use of different abusive words by KRK and his followers

God demands time from UP Governor Aziz Qureshi to reassess his role in stopping rapes in the state

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , , , , , ,

God sought time from Uttar Pradesh Governor Aziz Qureshi for reassessing his role in stopping rapes in the state. God is likely to seek more clarity on the issue from the experts that how he could stop rapes which neither police nor the state government is able to do. God has sent his circular from the heaven, immediately after UP Governor put onus on him.

"I would like to check how and why I should stop rapes when Police and state government is deployed for that purpose. Boss! Till date I was enjoying my heavenly pleasure and suddenly this guy started blaming me," said God in his public notice "I am going to ask panel of experts on how and why I could control the rapes."

God was talking about UP Governor's Aziz Qureshi's claim that even the entire police force would not be able to control rapes and it is the duty of God to reincarnate and stop all these crimes.

God said, "I need some time, as my experts will answer me on my role and the reason why Governor put onus on me. By the way, if he is unable to control the rapes through his 'entire' police force, easy way out is sending people to the earth after castration. Is he ready for that? I believe his colleague Mulayam will not. By the way, my memory is not short; Mulayam told sometime back that rape was a paltry mistake made by young boys. What are his (governor) views on this statement?"

God appointed expert panel to point out differences in Salman Khan's new movie 'Kick' with previous ones

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 21 July 2014 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

God has finally decided to take cognizance of his associates and fellow Indians, and ordered detailed probe of Salman Khan's movies. He asked a panel of experts to find out differences in Salman's previous movies and compare them with new release 'Kick'. God, who has received many complaints from human beings of earth as well as his fellow associates that all Salman's movies are same, decided to check with expert panel.

"God, himself became Salman Khan's fan since his movie 'Wanted'. However, he got confused when he saw the trailer of new movie 'Kick'. God could not point out any significant difference from Khan's previous movies. Finally, before his intelligence started giving up, God asked his assistants to check all Salman Khan's recent movies and point out at least 3 major differences," said Chitragupta, God's assistant and expert in dealing with earth related issues.

Chitragupta told India Satire correspondent that even God's assistants could not find any major difference in the movies and therefore he decided to give up and appoint a panel of 5 experts, consisting 2 from earth, 2 from heaven and 1 from hell to find out any dissimilarities.

"The panel was asked to point out at least 3 broad differences in his previous movies. It will submit its report in one week's time. Thereafter, God will have detailed look in the report," said Chitragupta.

Chitragupta told India Satire correspondent, seeking confidentiality, "Even I called Salman last week for pointing anything unique or different in his movies or say in 'Kick'. He murmured for a while and told me that in any case it doesn't matter to him."

Government decided to send Sitaram Yechury to Gaza, as peacemaker between Palestine and Israel

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After his long emotional speech against India's stand over Israel and Palestine war, the Indian Government has decided to send CPM leader Sitaram Yechury to Gaza. Yechury will act as peacemaker between the two countries.

"His emotional speech stirred everybody's heart in parliament today. We thought somebody from India needs to go there and act as a peacemaker, when Europe and US are also avoiding to do that and the better person is none other than Yechuryjee himself. Therefore, we have decided to send him to Gaza where he will talk to Hamas extremists, Palestine and Israel government to stop all this bullshit. Mr. Yechury is agreed on our request and promised us that world will not see any missile launch from Israel after he enters Gaza. He told us that any missile will have to face his chest before entering in Palestine," said India's foreign minister Sushma Swaraj.

Yechury confirmed the development and told India Satire that he will move to Palestine immediately after his air tickets confirmed. He also insisted to the government that all elected and unelected leaders of both communist parties, viz., CPI and CPM should be allowed to go to Gaza for helping him in talks with the fighting countries.

"We all are sufficient to stop Israel sponsored terrorism. We will tell Israel that CPM is no longer an Indian political outfit, it will contest from Palestine, and thereafter no single Israeli will lose his/her life. This way I will prove that we communists are not just gas but real fire," said Yechury.

Maharashtra Government announces 4 gallons of free liquor for every person in the state on Gatari Amavasya

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 18 July 2014 | Posted in , , , , , ,

jokes and satire on gatari amavasya

Maharashtra State Government has decided to distribute 4 gallons (15 liters) of free liquor to every person in the state on the auspicious day of Gatari Amavasya, a day celebrated before the start of Shravan month, as per Hindu calendar. The government has released a official gazette announcing the free distribution of country as well as foreign liquor from the ration shops just 1 week before the gatari celebrations start.

"We will distribute the liquor, which includes best brands of desi (country) as well as foreign liquor among the residents of Maharashtra. They can easily get the cans of liquor through ration shops. This is a special gift from Maharashtra government on the auspicious day of gatari," said Maharashtra Chief Minister Prithviraj Chavan.

Maharashtrians celebrate gatari amavasya as a last day of season for consuming meat and liquor before the start of Shravan month. After gatari, they compulsorily have to forgo meat and liquor for one month of Shravan and voluntarily for 4 months. This is the first time that the state government thought of the happiness of Maharashtrians and issued an official notification. As per the notification, the liquor will be distributed in kerosene cans and people who do not consume it would be requested to share with others. It will be made available free of cost.

"We are very happy with the government's pure intentions. This is the first time that the government took our demands seriously. This announcement is more fulfilling than that crappy food security bill. I will be the first person to go and collect liquor from the ration shop, respecting government's request," said Keshto Patil, a frequent consumer of country wine. Keshto said that he would try foreign liquor this time, as it is getting free of cost.

However, opposition leaders condemned government's move, as playing vote bank politics on the day of gatari. The leaders said that the government should not manipulate the voters through free rewards and threatened to go to election commission.

"I don't know what was government doing till last 10 years. If it had bonafide intentions it could have announced free liquor long back. Suddenly it woke up and announced free liquor distribution in the election year is totally a vote bank politics," said a BJP leader on the condition of anonymity.

However, government has ignored opposition's criticism and keeping in mind of the interest of masses, decided to go ahead with the announcement, promising more such lucrative and compelling offers in future.


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