Pakistan's Quaid-E-Azam Muhammed Ali Jinnah suicides again for not getting separate toilet

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 28 July 2015 | Posted in , , , , ,

Pakistan's first governor, Quaid-E-Azam and strong advocate of two nations which after his death converted to three nations theory, Muhammed Ali Jinnah killed himself again in the demon-made heaven, according to sources of demon-made hell. Jinnah took this extreme step 15th time in past 25 years after demon-made heaven administration refused him a separate toilet seat.
"He is very much habitual of killing himself. Earlier he killed for a separate towel, what a stupidity," told Yakub, one of the office bearers of demon-made heaven to India Satire correspondent on phone "He is a kind of adamant on his demand and needs everything separate for himself."
Yakub told correspondent that Jinnah was highly selfish person and wanted to own everything for himself.  
"He was trying to get the Presidential post of demon-made heaven, which is also called as hell by normal people. However, due to strong influence of less demonic people he couldn't win the seat. Therefore, he started demanding separation in everything including toilet. However, for past few years we banned him from going to toilet and therefore he finally decided to end his life. Now he will move to 16th demon-made hell, which is lower grade hell than the previous one," said Yakub "But I don't understand why he wanted everything separate."
Before suicide, Jinnah put one suicide note saying "I love to fight for separation in everything."

Rajnikanth accompanies APJ Abdul Kalam’s soul to heaven, will return next week

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , ,

After an emotional good bye from Indian people, India's superhero Rajnikanth has accompanied India's ex-President APJ Abdul Kalam's soul for ensuring the missile man's safe reach to heaven. According to sources, Rajnikanth will come back next week after instructing God to take care of India's most beloved President and great scientist.
"While travelling, Rajni sent few messages about interacting him with Kalamji from his specially made wireless combat device that operates from anywhere in the world and could send messages to India. APJ Abdul Kalam was very unhappy while leaving India. He wanted to stay for some time however, his health couldn't permit. Rajni also asked Kalamji that entire India will miss him. Rajni also told Kalamji that he would instruct God to resend him to the earth which Kalamji humbly refused. Kalamji told Rajni that it is destiny and nature's law which he didn't want to interfere," said Chirappa Pochikudu, Rajni's assistant.
According to Pochikudu, it would take 2-3 days more for Rajni to reach heaven and safely. He told India Satire correspondent that Indian Government requested Rajni to ensure that Kalamji safely reaches heaven and God takes all the care and gives love to India's ex-President. The assistant told correspondent that during the travelling Kalamji told Rajni many scientific techniques and secrets which would benefit to entire mankind and India.
"He will then discuss them with Indian Government and will try to bring peace to entire mankind. It was the only mission of Kalamji," said Pochikudu.

Movie Preview: ABCD 2

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 8 June 2015 | Posted in , , , , , ,

Directed by Remo D'Souza and produced by cartoon production house Walt Disney Picture, ABCD 2 is releasing on June 26, just a few days after International Yoga Day.  Following is the movie guide which will help you in deciding whether to watch the movie or not.
Guide to horror world
v  ABCD 2 is a story of two women, ah sorry two men, ah sorry one man and one woman, oh no, it's so complicated to decide. Ok, it's a story of a man with thin eyebrows just look like another lady in front of him and a woman whose eyes successfully depicts devilishious instincts and manly gestures when they are open.
v  So both these manly woman and womanly man are crazy about some difficult exercises which are known as 'malla khambs' in India and in Englishtalistically 'gymnastic moves' in Russian circus, also called as dance in some parts of India. So these moves which are also called 'locking n popping' in Africa, originated from Congo and Madagascar, successfully adopted by Director Remo, purely Indian but originated from same/unknown places.
v  So the story is original, by performing difficult dance steps, fighting different hurdles, and showing their hard work shown through their sweaty (generally water is poured on the bodies to show that they are sweaty), bronze colour bodies finally these two buddies win a tournament. This entire plot of ABCD2 was earlier copied by same Remo in his earlier venture ABCD and prior to that the same plot was used in few other stupid hollywood movies.
v  The cast include bulky, six packed, muscular body with little eyebrows (properly cut to look almost like that of a woman), earrings and dented - painted hero, Varun Dhawan. While heroine Shraddha Kapoor is a girl, with beautiful vampirish eyes who could easily frighten socially devastating creatures such as Emran Hashmi in the night. Prabhudeva comfortably carried same expressions of his earlier venture.
So why should I watch?
v  For original story, few good difficult good exercises, hippie looking people, gender equality, Transsexuality
Why not to watch?
v  For original story copied by many earlier bollywood, hollywood and regional movies, few good difficult exercises which you could also learn from Baba Ramdev's yoga videos; hippie looks are not for you, if you don't want to promote LGBT kind of ideas

Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal to conduct single finger test personally to find out ass holes in the party

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Arvind Kejriwal showing his single finger
After announcement of two finger rape test, Aam Aadmi Party Chief and Delhi's Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal issued a new diktat stating he will personally conduct one finger test on his party workers to identify ass holes. CM's office in a notification said that the test will be currently on beta mode and would likely implement in entire Delhi by year end.
"There are many critics in my party, media and in Delhi. I want to find out these ass holes and therefore I have decided to conduct a single finger test personally. This test will help me to identify these di*k-heads and throw them out of party. After completing this test in the party, I will throw some nuisance creating media people and Delhites by year end," Arvind Kejriwal told ANI reporter.
According to experts, single finger ass hole test helps identify people who are habituated to creating nuisance against the greatest and best leaders in the world. This test was earlier performed by Hitler, Stalin, Mao and few other great leaders in the world to confirm that their leadership would not end by some stupid creature. However, they didn't personally insert finger for testing purpose and asked doctors to perform the task.
"I am different. I don't want to take any chances and therefore I personally decided to perform the task. After throwing out everybody who is against me, ah sorry! Against the best and least corrupt state government in the world, Delhi state would be peaceful and prosperous," said Arvind Kejriwal.

Breaking News: LG transfers Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal to Timbuktu

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 22 May 2015 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

After long standing dharna and drama of Aam Aadmi Party Chief and Chief Minister of Delhi Arvind Kejriwal, Delhi's Lieutenant Governor Najeeb Jung signed Kejriwal's transfer letter to Timbuktu. L-G office confirmed the development and said that Kejriwal will have to pack his bags immediately and take all his drama partners and to move out to Timbuktu to improve the lives over there.
"Just some time back L-G has signed the transfer letter of Arvind Kejriwal and Manish Sisodia. Both of them have asked to move to Timbuktu where L-G has provided them all the decision making powers. He can transfer anybody there. He can also appoint Jan Lokpal, as the government would not interfere in his internal matters. He will have all the liberty," said secretary of L-G Jung.

According to sources, in a power tussle between Kejriwal and L-G, finally L-G has shown what he could do. The source said that its enormous amount of power that L-G have, Kejriwal has to leave Delhi. The source also confirmed that anybody else in Delhi wants to accompany Kejriwal in making better lives of Timbuktu would ask to do so.
In a reaction to L-G's transfer letter, Kejriwal shut his mouth for a while waiting for something to come up in his mind to answer the query. Finally, when something came to his mind he said "Kya 'jung'le raj hai kya? I will send Modi and L-G to Timbuktu."

World will go to hell if PM Narendra Modi looses in 2019 elections

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,

Prime Minister Narendra Modi made a scathing attack on opposition who criticised him on his remarks that Indians felt shameful in India before he took chair of the country's prime ministership. Modi said that before he became prime minister of India there were no world at all.
"Yes, that is what Barack told me that he felt same way when he became US President. Since I became India's PM, the global energy levels have gone up by at least 100%, meaning there was no existence of the world at all before I became PM. I am sure if people don't elect me again in 2019 elections the world probably would collapse or go to hell," said Narendra Modi, addressing a wide audience in the mental asylum of Agra.
He told his audience that you should also feel same way and encourage and motivate yourselves that without you world would go to hell. That would help you guys think that how much you people are significant for the world and not just India.
"I am really shameful if I don't put this much of energy in you that by 2019 you would all think the same way as I think and not like some of my baby partners in the cabinet and my entire opposition," everybody laughed on Narendra Modi's comment. Modi confirmed them that his baby partners and opposition have lesser IQ than his audience in Agra's asylum.
Reacting to Modi's speech, Congress leader Digvijay Singh said "Look at the arrogance of Mr. Modi, he thinks world would go to hell and not in jannat. This is the Sanghi hypocrisy and communalism."


Join us on Google +

Follow Us On Facebook