2 States viewers will be called as people with immense tolerance - Government

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 21 April 2014 | Posted in , , , ,

Indian Government has identified most tolerating people from the general public based on the viewers and non viewers of the new movie '2 States'. The government told in its press release that the people who watched 2 States till the end will be considered as most Tolerating People in India.

"Prime Minister's Office (PMO) has instructed us to rate all the people based on their tolerance levels. The office asked us for bifurcating people using two fundamental criteria of tolerance; people who watched 2 States as tolerating while rest have no tolerance. The office instructed us that if these viewers enjoyed the entire movie then they should be considered as joyful people despite living in worst conditions," said a government official requesting anonymity.

According to an official at PMO, Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh went to watch 2 States for relaxing himself after hard work for past 10 years. However, he has been victimized and tortured by the movie, reaching to the end of his tolerance level. Dr. Singh inspired by the movie's torture and found an idea to set the new parameters of tolerance.

"Earlier, Manmohan Singh was considered as the most tolerating person in India, based on his closeness with Congress High Command and particularly with Congress President Sonia Gandhi. Now as he was about to leave his post, we asked him to announce his successor. I am happy that he has worked out some formula," said Congress leader Janardhan Dwivedi.

Robert Vadra buys Tihar Jail land to convert his jail term in lavish holiday

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,

In a major real estate deal today, Priyanka Gandhi's husband Robert Vadra bought Delhi Tihar Jail land for 10 rupees from Indian government. The son-in-law of Sonia Gandhi decided to purchase the land after few NDA leaders, including Uma Bharti threatened him that NDA will put him into jail over alleged land scam with DLF, if it comes to power. According to sources of 10 Janpath, Vadra in partnership with DLF plans to develop Tihar jail into a lavish holiday resort.

"Robertji wants to convert jail into a lavish holiday resort for the benefits of prisoners. It will be a biggest attraction for the world and will be a major talking point too, considering no other jail will have that kind of humanely facilities that Robertji has envisioned," said Congress leader Rajiv Shukla.

Shukla told India Satire correspondent that Vadra has entered in partnership with DLF to purchase the land. Vadra raised 8 rupees as loan from DLF while both have invested 1 rupee each in the deal, indicating 90:10 stake in favour of Vadra. Shukla confirmed that the land was sold for 10 rupees as nobody else have shown interest in developing it.

"Robertji has big plans for the land. We invited bids from 10 subsidiaries of DLFji and 15 shell companies of Robertji. However, nobody qualified for the land purchase and therefore we allotted the land to Robertji and DLFji's partnership," said Rajiv Shukla.

According to sources at 10 Janpath, Robert Vadra wanted to protect his jail term as a luxury holiday if upcoming NDA government takes the charge of the nation. The source told correspondent that people from across the world and India will have a dream to visit the resort for at least a month.

After the deal, Robert Vadra on Facebook posted "Mango man in Banana Republic will dream to stay in Tihar jail."

Congress Party completed thirteenth round of Narendra Modi promotional campaign

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 16 April 2014 | Posted in , , , , ,

Congress Party has completed today the thirteenth round of Narendra Modi campaigning since he was announced as BJP's PM candidate and third round since the Election Commission announced dates of voting. Other parties are still campaigning for Modi in every village and city of India to ensure him, becoming India's next Prime Minister.

"Our rigorous efforts to demean ourselves from him and help Modi win these elections are right on track. We have completed today our third round of Modi promotional activities, as guided by Modi himself, RSS and BJP when Madamji asked Tamil Nadu voters not to vote Modi and BJP. Now we have promoted him in the non-existent state for BJP like Tamil Nadu, we believe that it would not be difficult for Modi to attain clear majority by winning at least 300 seats," said senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh, who was giving excerpts of Sonia Gandhi's speech in Tamil Nadu.

Digvijay Singh told India Satire correspondent that the party's creative wing introduced new words like 'Jeher Ki Kheti' 'Gubbara' and 'Toffee Awards' under the leadership of Rahul Gandhi. He confirmed that nobody else in other parties have shown such a kind of creativity that provided immense sharpness to Narendra Modi's popularity.

"We have done everything we could do to improve visibility of Modi in the existent and non-existent states as well. Now we are waiting for election results to see how much seats BJP would win," said Digvijay Singh.

According to sources, Congress Party led entire promotional campaign for Narendra Modi under the leadership of Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi for free of cost that also propelled other secular parties to enter in Narendra Modi campaigning, aggressively.

"Congress is still far ahead in marketing Modi factor across India. The party President and Vice President have ensured that all people who attend their rallies would vote BJP candidates and thereby Narendra Modi.

"Watching their larger counterpart promoting Modi, small party leaders like Mulayam Singh Yadav, Mayawati, Mamata Banerjee, Navin Patnaik and others are also making it sure that BJP would not require their help in forming the government after elections by aggressive marketing of Narendra Modi factor," said political analyst and Outlook's editor, Vinod Mehta.

He confirmed that next 3 rounds of Modi promotional activities would be more aggressive and Congress Party would take every effort to help Modi win this election.

Rahul Gandhi denies any links with Robert Vadra

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,

Congress Vice President and unofficial Prime Ministerial candidate of Congress Party for 2019 Loksabha election, Rahul Gandhi ruled out any links with Robert Vadra who is allegedly linked with DLF. According to sources, Robert Vadra who was accused of illegal land grabbing deals with Delhi based DLF, is considered as a brother-in-law of Rahul Gandhi. Rahul cleared all the air in the rally and told people that he would never had any links with such guy in his life till election.

"I have no links with Vadra. BJP is making false propaganda from few news reports. It has never been proved that Vadra was nor is my brother in law," said Rahul Gandhi, addressing a huge rally at Kisanganj, today.

He told people here that it's BJP's move to remove focus from important development related issues to paltry things like his links with Robert Vadra.

"I have never heard that strange name in my life and there is no evidence with BJP that proves I am anyway linked with this Robert-shobert name guy. Whatever photos on the internet are available, are photoshopped by Subramanian Swamy to demean me," said Rahul Gandhi.

He has appealed his opposition party that they can make any kind of allegations on him, but don't link him a mango looking man like Robert Vadra.

Breaking News: Missing MH-370 still missing

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , ,

In a shocking development, Malaysian government confirmed that the missing airplane MH-370 is still missing and no trace has been found to anybody in this world, including God.

"We had put God to work on searching the traces of MH-370 after we saw that the human capabilities are limited, up to making mistakes or creating big conspiracies. However, despite all his efforts God also failed to search the missing airplane and its still missing," said Acting Transport Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein.

According to sources, it is damn fucking and irritating to highly advanced Chinese and American search agencies that they couldn't find anything of missing MH-370. Sources told India Satire correspondent that their satellites went for a tea break right at the time when the airplane changed its direction. However, both the countries believe that people will see a big improvement in the functioning of satellites and alternative satellites will be sent to orbit to compensate on the tea, lunch and dinner breaks for existing satellites.

"We have put an intelligent system in the new satellites which would activate immediately after other satellites inform them for their tea breaks. Earlier we had a proposal to shorten the time for tea, lunch and dinner break which was then heavily opposed by existing satellites in the orbit," said an official in China, with condition of anonymity.

Malaysian sources confirmed that God has accepted his failure to search and returned all the money to Malaysian Government and broke the contractual obligation. Gold told Malaysian Government that now he has found black box, its Malaysian Government's duty to do some work.

Businessmen requests Rahul Gandhi to link them up with Narendra Modi

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 10 April 2014 | Posted in , , , , , ,

India's many business houses are lobbying with Congress leadership to consider them including in vice president Rahul's speech while linking to BJP Prime Ministerial candidate Narendra Modi. According to source, many business leaders found it an easy way to get positive response in stock markets. The development came after Adani promoted companies shares zoomed on bourses when Rahul Gandhi confirmed promoters links with Narendra Modi.

"They are ready to offer as much as crores of rupees to include their name in Rahul Baba's speech. Everybody is amazed with the response that Adani stocks received after Rahul called its promoters linked with Modi," said a senior Congress leader, privy to the development.

Congress office accepted the development and positive response from businessmen. However, they confirmed that final decision on whether to give a chance to them in speech would come after detailed discussion.

"We have still to decide whether it would be based on first come first serve basis or transparent auctions. Very soon we will make announcement," said Congress leader Ahmed Patel.

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