Hafiz Saeed broke his leg while running away from cockroach

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 2 May 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,

Organisational chief of Jamaat Ud Dawah and Lashkar e Taiba, Hafiz Muhammad Saeed has damaged his small finger of left leg while running away from an insane cockroach. The cockroach infiltrated his right leg and found injecting his long moustache in his leg when he was having an afternoon nap.

"I had been having a great day light dream of conquering India in the afternoon today when I saw horrendous movement around my leg. One large cockroach, almost as much as half of my right palm was tingling on my leg and staring at me like he wanted to eat me. He openly challenged me with his long moustache to fight with him in the open ground. That time I didn't have my sword with me to wrestle with him while he was having two swords. Therefore I started running away when my left leg touched something and blood started oozing out. But I was so afraid that I even couldn't see what damaged my leg," said Hafiz Saeed in his speech addressing Pakistani awaam "He (cockroach) is now under arrest of Pakistan Police and I am going to bring him to Shariah Court which JuD recently formed."

Shopping mall built on a playground offers entire floor of play area for kids

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , ,

​A shopping mall built on a prime play ground where children from outside slums used to play cricket, football or lots of outdoor games has started full new range of world popular games, including PlayStation, computer games and roller coaster rides.

"We are targeting India's children who will become the driving force of the economy in future. We will offer them a complete range of new games at a reasonable price of Rs 1000 per hour," said Champaklal, the mall owner "This is an aspiring population who want to have all globally accepted standards."

When asked, here was a cricket ground of children from slums, he said "We will also offer cricket nets to our customers."

Why did Rajdeep Sardesai quit Twitter? Who will be next? - All Questions answered by DGPMJ

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 1 May 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,

Director General of Paid Media Journalism (DGPMJ) has issued a press release expressing the reasons why its esteemed member Rajdeep Sardesai has left Twitter. According to the press note from the great organisation, old characters go and new come. A kid becomes adult while adult becomes old man. On the similar line of launching of new Chakravartin Samrat Ashok, the Director General of Paid Media Journalism is planning to launch a new much more aggressive and fighter character of Rajdeep. He will take on Modi trolls aggressively and would introduce new abuses. The esteemed organisation told BJP trolls to wait for the space and don't tolerate fake Rajdeep Sardesais. "We will give more edge to our other warriors like Barkha and Sagarika in the meantime," said DGPMJ.

Let's listen to Arvind Kejriwal this time - Nation

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 29 April 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Removing all the preconceived notions about him and agreeing that he might talk sense in some unknown time of his life, nation decided that it would try to hear what Aam Aadmi Party conveyor and Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal is saying.

"I am trying a hypothesis that even people who never talk sense or are illogical always could be logical sometimes," India said the India Satire correspondent "May be I need to give him one more chance and listen him carefully."

The nation which represents second largest population and largest democracy in the world said it carries many sensible and irrational people on itself. Although it can't do anything about nonsensical people, it continuously needs to give them a last chance to try its luck of checking whether their thought process is improving or not.

"I provided lots of chances to Diggy, Pappu, RSS guys and people like Yogi Adityanath and will have to give few more chances. Now this Kejru is a new born baby trying his luck in the nonsensical part otherwise why would have him continuously copied something from others and would rake it up in his audience. Why does he always copy my representative Arnab Goswami?" asked nation "Still let's listen to him carefully once again, probably now he might talk sense today. Who knows?"

Nation said just a 2-3 days back it asked the question what Indian government was doing about Augusta Westland scam from Arnab's mouth. "Now this Arvind is asking same question as like he invented it. Still we all need to listen to him again and again, but this time carefully, as Gandhiji told us."

Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar bans potty

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 28 April 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

Patna: After a circular of blanket ban on cooking between 9 am and 6 pm during the summer Bihar's Chief Minister asked all Biharis to stop going to potty until the next circular comes. The government in its public notice said "No Bihari or Bahari in Bihar is allowed to go to potty for next one month until a special panel formed by the government comes with its recommendations on right time for Bihari or Bahari in Bihar to go to potty. If anyone found sitting on potty, Nitish Kumar will personally hit 100 lashes on his ass till it swells up like bloody red flower of Jungle Book. The potty guy would be put in jail for next 5 years without a chance for claiming bail."

According to Bihar government source in the scorching summer, fires in Bihar have killed 66 people and 1,200 animals in the past two weeks. Earlier, the state government has come up with a bizarre solution - no cooking. However, Bihar's International Standard Scientific Research and Solutions came up with a new study, which says the gases released with potty causes more fire. The study also said that Bihar government should recommend ideal time for potty so that damage could be lessened.

"We don't say that don't do it for life. Just manage for next one month we will find out some solution definitely," said Nitish Kumar who is also thinking of adopting most successful innovation of millennium 'odd-even formula' "Yes we are thinking about implementing odd even formula with one guy sitting for potty on odd day and another on even. But we need proper report from expert panel. Potty is not a harmful thing in such a way but the gases released before and after it could damage nature."

The Nitish Kumar government in official statement said that when heavy winds touch the gases released by ass they spark fire and ignites houses. "It is very serious. Man should never seat on potty," said Nitish Kumar looking at Lalu Prasad Yadav "If he doesn't have AC like us."

Almighty God working on creating pregnant man

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 26 April 2016 | Posted in , , , , ,

​Despite years of efforts, almighty God couldn't reach to the solution of making man pregnant. According to God's office, God has put concerted efforts since 1000 centuries to work on making man pregnant, reducing pressure on woman in carrying a heavy 2-3kg of body in her stomach.

"These days with so much of junk food, the weight of new born is increasing fast in her stomach itself," said God's clerk Chitragupta "God knows this. There was a long pending demand from women to create man with a baby carrying capacity. Why only she face the brunt? God is also afraid of Trupti Desai who next time may raise this issue."

According to sources, God will need to make many biological changes which are highly complex and needs few of great scholars to take from earth. "It might be you. Nobody knows whom God will pull up from the earth," said Chitragupta "Ha ha."

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