Government appoints a panel to research how many of them were present at the time of Ramayan and Mahabharat
While before bringing ancient studies to the syllabus of Indian students, Indian government has set up a high-level expert panel to trace back the roots of all members of parliaments (MPs). According to the government, every MP has role in ancient history of India such as the times of Ramayan and Mahabharat and many have incarnated in today's world.
"We asked Hollywood Director Christopher Nolen to head this committee. He will use some weird technology developed in ancient India, something whatever that 2D - 3D thing to find out our ancient roots and our role at the time of Ramayan and Mahabharat. I am damn sure that Rahul was Duryodhan and Ravan while I was Hanuman," said Union Minister Giriraj Singh.
He told India Satire correspondent that the government is eager to trace every MP's past. He also confirmed that the budget on the panel would be far less than the budget that has taken to produce movie 'Interstellar'.
He told correspondent "People want proofs of history and therefore under the guidelines of RSS we have decided to directly visit history to know what were we doing at that time. Nolen will find out our roots by using time and space things and whatever not."
Christopher Nolen confirmed his role in the said committee. He told India Satire correspondent that he would put the brigade of few notorious Hollywood and Bollywood actors along with RSS and BJP leaders to send them to history. However, he could not assure whether they could come back from there.
"It's very easy. I will send everybody to that bloody history hole just like what I did in Interstellar by sending them to wormhole. The idea is that history has a strong gravitational force and RSS and BJP leader will immediately attract to that hole like iron attracting magnet. Thereafter, I am not aware what will happen, as I am not ready with any Plan 'B'. I have invited applications from various Hollywood and Bollywood actors as well as Indian political leaders. Suggest me if you have some names whom you want to send to that history hole."
Bollywood decided to produce a real comedy film that will make people laugh to give real tribute to Deven Verma
Bollywood producers have decided to give real tribute to veteran actor Deven Verma by producing few real comedy films, which can actually make people laugh. The producers told India Satire correspondent that they would move from their earlier way of working just to pay real tribute to the great comedy actor of India.
"I have decided to make such a comedy movie that will make people laugh and not movies that Humshakals and Housefulls. This time for a change I have decided to make people laugh just to pay tribute to great actor Deven Verma," said Sajid Khan, director of non-laughing comedy movies such as Hey Baby, Himmatwala, Housefulls and Humshakals.
Another producer and director who always intended to make people serious and cry a lot in theater although unsuccessfully, has decided to produce actual comedy film.
"I am with Sajid in this. I always created masterpieces that tried to make people cry, throw their heads on walls, and kill themselves by cutting off their nerves or throats. However, they always took these serious and emotional movies as comedy ones. Therefore, this time I have decided to create a comedy masterpiece which will make people laugh and remember Deven Verma," said Sanjay Leela Bhansali, a creator of great movies like Sawariya, Guzarish and Ram Leela.
Somali terror group 'al-Shabaab' offered its unconditional support to Chattisgarh based active maoists for raising their voices on something. The group president has sent its wishes to Indian maoists and told them to continue relentless activities of killing people for no reason.
"We give our support India's maoist group without any condition for their unstoppable killings of people on some reasons. We offer them all the support whenever they require and also ask them to come to Somalia to take professional training," said the group president Ahmed Umar. Umar also draws a technology transfer plan between the two countries.
Umar told Al Jazeera reporter "I came to know that terrorists and naxalites in India are very poor in terms of attack technology with little training and scientific knowledge. I offer free support in terms of training, ammunition, and scientific ways of killing. We also offer free visa to them to visit Somalia to learn terror techniques."
Somalia which is at numero uno position in terror research is also largest in terms of Terror GDP in the world while India is somewhere in between in 140 countries. Al-Shabaab has sensed immense opportunities in Indian terror sector and committed huge investment in the maoist as well as Indian Mujaheedin outfits.
While both Indian government and Indian maoists kept their silence on the issue. However, government sources said that PM Narendra Modi is not in favour of attracting investment in India's already booming maoist factory.
Mosquitoes across all the multiplexes in India decided to go on leave when the Farah Khan directed movie 'Happy New Year' will be released in the country. In its official release, the body governing urban mosquitoes working in the entertainment industry, Mosquitoes in Multiplexes (MIM) STRICTLY advised its members to take leave or avoid visiting any movie theatre during the shows of Happy New Year (HNY) will be played.
"We are very much concerned about the life of our members. We believe that working in the environment when 'Happy New Year' is released will be dangerous. We asked them to avoid going any shows of HNY by moving to some other movies or take leave and enjoy holiday break for 2-3 weeks," said Gingin Mosquito, President of MIM.
According to MIM sources, the governing body worries about the life of mosquitoes across the multiplex chains after watching HNY.
"Sucking blood of audience while on the other hand HNY is being played could be really dangerous. We have seen a very large scale killings of mosquitoes during Ra-One and Tees Maar Khan because of burst in their brains. We can't take that kind of risk again," said Grrgrr Mosquito, a member of MIM.
Talking about chosing only multiplexes and ignoring mosquitoes of mass theaters, Grrgrr Mosquito said "They are used to such kind of nonsense and therefore we don't need to include them in our notice."
Prime Minister Narendra Modi discusses 'posing in front of camera' with Chinese President Xi Jinping
After giving a warm welcome to Chinese President Xi Jinping in India, Prime Minister Narendra Modi immediately started discussing business of improving ties between the two countries. Narendra Modi promised Jinping for sharing the technique of successful poses in front of camera. Modi delivered 35 most successful poses he gave to the mainstream media that improved his popularity in the country.
"It was a long pending demand from China. Chinese President specifically asked to insert the clause in our discussions that India would share the technical expertise of Mr. Modi's poses to camera. How he talks and how he creates his wave," said Shun Yu Ying, an official who was accompanying Jinping in his India visit.
The official sources told India Satire correspondent that Narendra Modi has delivered first installment of 35 poses in the closed door meeting with Jinping. The sources told that Modi personally gave all the poses in front of camera and promised to send more such in next few months.