Political Parties select Toxic Spokespersons

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 26 August 2016 | Posted in , , , , ,


​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

I know, Indians know and now, Pakistanis know too that political parties select toxic persons for spokesperson job.  However, very few people know the characteristics of noxious persons and their notorious uses as political spokespersons.

The exotic person invades the privacy and other's space. Through toxic spokespersons, political parties invade the opposition's private affairs and snatch space from other parties. All spokespersons want others should not lock their desks but they lock their own desks even going for washroom.  

Toxic man has secrets for protection. Were Kapil Sibbal, Anand Sharma and Mir not protecting the UPA's corruptions all the time in past?

Toxic person makes other's life miserable and you all watch TV debate where every political spokesperson makes the life of opposition spokesperson, TV anchors and audience miserable.

The toxic person is always a Trappist. Tell me which politician are not Trappist, Trapper and Hunter in this earth? Every politician is Trappist and so are spokespersons including Pakistani spokespersons debating on Indian TV shows.

Toxic one has bad manners. Don't we experience daily the worst mannered political spokespersons in each TV debate?  Yes we feel irritation by watching bad mannered political spokespersons.

Toxic person is Control Freak and don't you know many such politicians and spokespersons?

Toxic person is always covering up artist. Do I require naming the politicians covering up their open blunders? I know that you know that I know that you know them.

Toxic person always abuse people, things and the best concept. Indians are fed up with those spokespersons abusing people, things and Yoga.

Toxic person hates other ideas. TV debates, political press conferences and parliaments are witness for vouching that politicians and spokespersons hate other ideas.

Toxic person are credit snatchers. Every politician is credit snatcher. Every spokesperson is bound to be a great credit snatcher.

Blame game is the great characteristic of toxic person. Politics is nothing but the play ground for blame game. Political spokesperson should be born with blame game playing character. 

Toxic person have the habit of continuously fault findings. Most of Indians don't watch Loksabha and Rajyasabha proceedings on TV because barring fault findings; nothing concrete is happening in both the houses. You, your friends and my mother in law don't like visiting parliaments because you, your friends and my mother in law don't like continuous fault findings games.

Toxic man has secret agendas. Every spokesperson, politicians and political party has secret agendas. Nothing is new in my statement. All Indian mothers in laws, Indian sister in laws and Pakistani brother in laws know the above fact.

Expert Stanley Reed says that toxic person have terrible problem with the truth. Toxic person prefers for telling lie. What do all political spokespersons speak on TV show?  Lie! Lie and No Truth!  

Toxic person protects zealously power positions. All Indian mothers in laws, Indian daughter in laws and Pakistani brother in laws accept that spokespersons zealously protect power positions.

Experts say that Toxic person make simple thing complex. Now, we can't blame only to spokespersons, politicians for worst execution system for India planning but we should watch the toxic bureaucrats too.

Speaking 'I', 'I' and 'I' is the habit of toxic person. Which politician, spokesperson and businessman as Vijay Mallya don't speak 'I' in every sentence?

Toxic person has little or no sense of future. It is not wrong characteristic as the political spokesperson has to work for getting elected for Rajya Sabha or Vidhan Parishad, work for present boss and totally forgetting the future.

Toxic person is highly competitive, does not like failure and works hard for being on the top.  Indians should be happier that though, Indian political spokespersons are toxic but at the same time, are highly competitive.

Have you got some of above characters for becoming political spokesperson?  

 

Copyright@: Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai 2016

Who have Stolen our 12 Shauchalaya?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 23 August 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,


​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

Most of the Indians know that Swachh Bharat Abhiyan is revolutionary movement after Indian freedom movement. Due to busy schedules of Sachin Tendulkar, Salman Khan and Tarak Mehta ka Ulta Chasma team, the movement could not move beyond posters, TV photo up and front gate of the above celebrities. Therefore, nobody is interested in auditing Swachh Bharat Abhiyan in urban areas as the result is predictable.

My editor asked me for visiting my village in Garhwal hills for finding out Swachh Bharat Abhiyan outcome.   I was not ready for visiting my village. Since, my village is on the height of 3500 Feet and one side surrounded by a Bhel (steep valley), the villagers used to throw all dirt and children toilets into Bhel, elders go to rivulets for toileting so our village was always clean. However, editor asked me for visiting my village for the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan audit.

As soon as I entered the village I thought that I am in a wrong village. My village has been transformed to dumping ground since last I visited five years back. There were dirt piles on the both sides of village roads, on back of houses and in front of each house including my house courtyard.  Dirt everywhere was a shock for my life.

I checked with my far cousin for so much dirt in the village. The cousin explained in details. The villagers saw Sachin Tendulkar, Salman Khan and Narendra Modi cleaning roads with brooms (not taken from AAP party) on TV. Now, every villager is wishing that since the Abhiyan is sponsored by Modi therefore, one of celebrities would come to our village and would inaugurate the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan. Everybody is waiting for a celebrity for visiting the village. The villagers wrote to celebrities for inaugurating the Abhiyan. Every Celebrity responded in positive and assured that he/she would visit village as soon as she/he gets time. Our villagers are honest in believing on celebrities words. Till then, nobody is interested in cleaning.

In a local paper from Garhwal , I read that every house has a separate toilet (Shauchalaya) in our village and our village chief got Chief Minister Award for 'Har Ghar me Shauchalaya'. However, I found that four five toilets are there. I checked with Gram Pradhan (village chief) about Shauchalaya. Gram Pradhan reluctantly informed me that since it is government scheme he can't inform the details to Aira-Gaira (outsider).

My editor asked me especially for finding out 'Shauchalaya' conditions. Gram Pradhan was not ready for showing data.  I went for meeting Block officer at Block office twenty kilometers from my village.

The Block Officers showed me the 'Shauchalaya register' for my village and I was unconscious for half an hour.

My father had two other brothers. All three brothers migrated to cities long back. Totally we are twelve cousins. We have six intact houses but nobody lives there for decades.

Block Officer showed me the register that we all cousins built twelve toilets in front of our village houses. Government paid us Rs.twelve thousand per toilet and Rs. ten thousand per water tank for each toilet as per 'Devalaya se Pahle Shauchalaya Scheme'.

Now, I am not interested in audit for Swachh Bharat Abhiyan but am interested for finding who built twelve 'Shauchalaya' and twelve water tank on our behalf. If we built 'Shauchalaya', where are those 'Shauchalaya?' If 'Shauchalaya' are there in front of our houses why  can't I see by my eyes? Are our government aided 12 toilets stolen?

As soon as I find I shall report you all.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai 2016

Sleepless Nights for Gwer (Shepherds) after Modi’s Announcement

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,


​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

Indians take Prime Minister Modi seriously. Nobody can guarantee for BJP, Akali Dal and Shiv Sena taking Modi seriously but Nitish, Akhilesh and Asaduddin Owaisi take Modi too seriously.

A few days back, Modi announced that many false Gorakshak are criminals of night. Now, there are sleepless nights for Gwer (Charvaha, Shepherd).

The Kashmir youth, militants in Kashmir don't take Modi seriously but Indian police take Modi seriously.

The day before, a police van was moving from capital to a town for a minister rally Bandobast.  Below the road, the police head from the van saw a person was blowing flute and was looking after grazing cattle. Police force got down and called the Gwer.

Constable asked, "O Gorakshak! What criminal job do you do in night?"

Shyly, Gwer said," Dhatt! I will never tell my night story."

Another cop shouted, "See! See his face is red by knowing that we know his criminal secrete. Your grandfather will tell us your criminal activities in night."

"Wife …" Gwer answered.

"O My God! You take other's wives to cities and …?" Senior cop screamed.

Gwer said, "I and my wife share our experiences of the day. She works for Vidhayak Ji's farms."

"Are you Gorakshak?" the cop asked

"No. I am Gwer and my job is for taking cattle to forest for grazing and take back them to village by evening. All these cattle belonged to different farmers. They might be Gorakshak." Gwer answered.

Cop showed apprehension, "The Prime Minister Modi told Gorakshak are criminals. You must be criminal because you are grazing cattle."

Gwer asked, "Is Indira Gandhi on leave? So Modi is on her place ..?"

Cops understood that though, the man is definitely a Gorakshak but definitely he can't be criminal of night. Police knows that criminals are more knowledgeable than Subramanian Swamy.

In other village, villagers started vigilance on their Gwer in night. Villagers take Modi very seriously. Now, Gwer and their families sleep soundly and villagers can't sleep whole night for watching criminal activities of their Gwer. Villagers decided for having a detective agency for watching their Gwer not indulging criminal activities in night. They have to depend on their Gwer. They can't get new Gwer as even Gwer Caste leaving their family Gwer job (shepherd job).

 In many villages, Gwer ran away from villages. They are right. Whenever, a leader announced that the government is serious for stopping crime and will take stern action against criminals. The rural police catch Gwer and other such types of poor people for showing that the government is awaken for stopping crimes. All Gwer are afraid that after Modi's announcement, the rural police will take Gwer into custody for show off.

 In many cases, the farmer's children do the job of Gwer. Many farmers are afraid that their children have become criminals.

"Modi can't tell a lie" the villagers tell to each other.

Yesterday, a bus was taking city children to rural PWD rest house for picnic. Above the road, children saw shepherd grazing the cattle. Children started shouting, "See the Gorakshak! See the Gorakshak! Criminals of night! Rat ke Apradhi! "

 Modi's statements did not stop Vishwa Hindu Parishad or city Gorakshak for heading Goraksha movement but Modi's announcement is making negative waves in rural India.

Modi has to announce that rural Gwer or shepherds are not criminals of night. However, Modi will notice about people voices only when Arnab Goswami of Times Now shouts in prime time that that Gwer, Charvaha or shepherds are not criminals of night. The real problem is who shall take rural voices to Arnab Goswami.

 

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Media finally found Urjit Patel's doodhwala

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 22 August 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,


​ET Now's exclusive interview of Ramkisen Yadav, milk man of Urjit Patel

Mainstream media finally could locate milk man (doodhwala) of newly appointed chief of Reserve Bank of India, Mr. Urjit Patel. After a lot of struggle, ET Now reporter finally took an exclusive interview of Ramkisen Yadav, Urjit Patel's doodhwala at his dairy in Andheri, Mumbai.

"With us today is Ramkisen Yadav who everyday supplies 2 liters of milk to Mr. Patel at his home. ET Now is first to interview Mr. Patel's doodhwala at his dairy," said ET Now reporter "So Ramkisenji how do you feel after the government surprisingly appointed Urjit Patel as Raghuram Rajan's successor."

"Hum kaa bole ee sabai ke baare me. Haa humkaa ee pataa tha ki Urjitwa will become the Governor of RBI. Urjitwa used to jump 3-4 times the time when I fill up his vessel with milk. Uu kitni baar bungee jumping karat rahe. Earlier I was unable to understand why he was jumping so much but later I concluded that he was in a profession to keep interest rates up and down. He is a born jumping jack aka RBI Governor," Ramkisen Yadav told ET Now's reporter.

"Oh! What is your assessment about Mr. Patel, is he hawkish or dovish?" reporter asked Ramkisen's view on Urjit Patel's thought process on policy decision.

"Hum to eee baatan se sure hai ki Urjitwa pura ka pura hawkishwa hai. Hum aapko eek examplewa det hai. Jabai hum uu ka ghar jaat rahe, Urjitwa always asked me how Champa is doing. Did she have good sleep? Did she eat her food properly? How's her son Dara and daughter Chameli? Many times Urjitwa threatened me that he will stop buying milk from me if Champa isn't taken care properly. He is very hawkish about Champa and I think he will remain hawkish for markets," Ramkisen confirmed his opinion on Urjit Patel's thought process.

ET Now Reporter asked him "Who is Champa?"

"Hamaar bhains," confirmed Ramkisen.

The Rise of Virat Kohli

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,


​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

Virat means the large, huge or sky. Virat Kohli reminds me 'Jatho Namoh Tatho Gunah' the character as per the name.  Kohli amazes us about speed and ease with which Virat grown from boy into a man. Only yesterday, I heard about him and watched 'under 19 Indian Team' winning under 19 World Cup under strong but a teen Virat Kohli.  We heard the comments from Chetan Chauhan,  "He is  a brilliant cricketer and he will definitely make entry into Indian team". I personally believed on Chauhan comments.

Watching his journey from as a under 19 cricketer to the Indian Test captain Virat Kohli is nothing but dream comes true in India too.  

When he was captaining for 'under 19 Indian team', I came to know that he was a tough guy from game and mind and dedicate to cricket only. On that time, I came to know that he was aggressive boy. Aggression is his character; nobody should doubt that it suits him and his aggression for beating the bowlers suits India too.

Long back, when he batted for one day cricket, test and T20cricket matches we all liked his aggression but disliked his aggression with colleagues or opponents. We should thank to his captain, coaches, and cricketing authorities or family members for making Virat aggressive for beating bowlers or batsmen by fielding and leaving aggression when dealing with colleagues and even opponents.

Aggression is an ornament for warriors; aggression is the ornament for many great players. Becoming fastest 7000 run getter in ODI matches in the world   is an example of tough character of Virat.

Becoming the boy Virat as the Indian captain Virat requires dedication for the aim, game and controlling emotion and Virat showed the dedication many times. You would be aware that Kohli batted for Delhi against Karnataka just a day after his father death and scored 90.

The story of the boy Virat transforming into great run getter Virat is also the story of aggression. There is wrong conclusion that aggression is negative emotion. Yoga, Vigyan Bhairava and many Indian sayings state that if you channelize the aggression, rage or wrath into energy that energy becomes more powerful than nuclear bomb. Virat the ODI's faster run getter shows that Virat is master of channelizing aggression in positive energy. His second inning average runs in all formats including IPL show that when offered him the target his aggression becomes friendly with the target or target becomes the slave of aggression.  

We saw Virat the deputy of legendary MS Dhoni the Indian captain and Virat learning the finer aspects of captaincy minutely. In cricket or elsewhere, you can't win so many tests as a captain if you are not the leaner. Certainly, Virat is quick learner and master of transforming strategies into actions. 

As a caption, you don't deal with stones, machines but with human. Dealing with human you require reading emotions and not showing your emotions. The captaincy by Virat in Test matches and IPL show that Virat knows dealing with human emotions including dealing with selectors egos.

A lot of people can take credit for making the child Virat as great Virat: his coach Sharma, various coaches, Dhoni, selectors, family members, friends and who not. There is a saying that you can take horse to the river but horse has to take water himself. The difference between many horses, cricketers and Virat is that Virat takes water himself and other horses still want the master putting water into their mouth.

It is useless to discuss whether Virat will break Sachin's records or not. I believe in records are made for to be broken soon, very soon.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Who has stolen Humor, Wit and Fun from Parliament?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 21 August 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,


​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

A few months back, Prime Minister Modi expressed concerned that humor is missing from parliament.   BJP workers doubt on Rahul Gandhi for stealing humor from parliament. However, Non BJP workers blaming RSS for taking humor to Nagpur.

After Modi's statement, many detective agencies came out for offering their services for finding out missing humor from parliament. However, writer of 'Wit and Humor in Parliament'  Dr. Subhash Kashyap explained the agencies that Modi means 'lacking of Humor among today's parliamentarians'.

I could not read Kashyap. However, since 1961, my regular reading habit of 'today's parliament affairs' in daily newspaper certainly vouch that 'Today, Humor is lacking in parliament'.

Mahatma Gandhi was a serious politician and used humor in his speeches.

I   read somewhere that there used to be witty bickering between Nehru and Acharaya Kriplani. Humorous debate is possible when you respect the opponent. Nothing was personal between Nehru and Kriplani, only they never liked each other's policies.

The 1950s Kerala Chief Minister Govind Menon also used wit in replying or calming down  opposition leader T.V Thomas showing chief minister chair, " For you to sit on this  chair you will have to be reborn as bug"

Indians remember Piloo Mody for humorous era in Parliament (67-83).   Indira Gandhi also used humor in parliament and Shashi Tharoor quoted her saying 'our private enterprise is more private than enterprising'.   I read about MS Tarkeshwari Sinha a congressman for her Shayri and answering humorously in parliament. Alas! If  Renuka Chowdhari would use Humor in Rajya Sabha.

Two times Lok Sabha Speaker G.s Dhillon (69-75) was a humorous politician and humorously he used calm down opposition leaders too. Dhillon never insulted others in his humor.

Foreign Minister Swarna Singh in Indira Gandhi cabinet used humor in parliament debate.

Personally I liked humor by late President Gyani Jail Singh as a MP. However, elite snubbed his humor.  Gyani came from a rural background and it is difficult for others especially urban elites understanding rural humor.

Shiv Sena supreme Bal Thackeray used wit, humor and satire in his speeches even for reviling his own workers as their guardian. However, we can't say Thakeray was a parliamentarian.

Historians will support that the King of Humorist parliamentarians is Atal Bihari Vajpayee. His wit was as hot milk in the mouth for opposition that neither you can gulp nor you can throw. No politician can match Vajpayee. 

Laloo Prasad Yadav uses humor as his weapon always. But his humor is humor for his voters, nearest to joking for others, and TRP enhancer for TV channels.

Hukmdev Narayan Singh knows using humor.

Today, very few parliamentarians use humor in parliament barring Mukhtar Naquvi.

Jyotiraditya Scindiya thinks that he is using humor but it is sharp satire and hundred percent criticisms.

No way, Narendra Modi is humorist parliamentarian. He uses sharp satire and his satires are poisonous arrows for opposition.

The main reason for humor missing from parliaments is cut throat competition among politicians that make them humorless and cut throat competition also make politicians disrespecting the opposition. Media is another reason that parliamentarians don't use humor fearing that media can take another meaning. This is right that humor is double edge sword and is interpretable. Once, Maharashtra politician Ajit Pawar said, "Is Water not there? Should I urinate?" Media lambasted Pawar. In Marathi and various local languages, Pawar using word 'Urinating' was humorous way of saying that I can't do anything. But in civilized society of journalists, it became harsh criticism for Pawar.

Modi's showing concern for humor missing from parliament is right and Modi should start humor himself. But then, Modi would not be Modi if he leaves sharp satire and chooses humor as his weapon. 

 

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

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