EC asked ex-teaspoon of Congress Party for licking her own spit physically

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 21 October 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

Yesterday, on 20th October 2016, ex teaspoon of Mrs. Gandhi, ex tablespoon of Rahul Gandhi and ex- secular Mrs. Rita Bahuguna Joshi left Congress and joined Bhartiya Janta Party in the name of national interest. Two decades back, Rita Bahuguna Joshi left Samajvadi Party and joined Congress in the name of national interest and she was not interested in her own interest as today too, she is not interest to keep her interest alive before national interest. A few months back, her brother, imported politician from UP for Garhwal Vijay Bahuguna joined BJP in the name of national interest, in the name of Uttarakhand interest and in the name of Himalayan interest. Both the brother and sister learnt changing parties, loyalties and ideologies in the name of national interest from their father late Hemwati Nandan Bahuguna.

UP Congress Chief Raj Babbar condemned Rita Bahuguna Joshi joining BJP. Babbar called Rita as, deceiver, betrayer or'Dagabaz'. In the national interest, Raj Babbar forgot that he also left Samajvadi Party a few years back and forgot that then, SP spokesperson called Raj Babbar a 'Dagabaz'. When you join opposite party, it is in the name of national interest but if other politician joins another party it is Dagabazi (betrayal).

As per 'Uljalul Samachar Agency', the EC has taken a serious note of politicians joining other party in the name of national interest. EC found that citizens are confused from politician's self interest in leaving party, politician's national interest in joining opposite party and party's interest. Indians are unable for guessing whether politician's national interest is just a phrase, just a custom or a phrase for fooling people. EC clearly found that the politician's self interest and national interest are poles apart. EC found that in the name of national interest, politicians are making mockery of democracy, insulting democracy and betraying Indians.

EC found that when a politician joins opposite party in the name of national interest, people are confused in finding out the difference between politician's self interest, politician's national interest and party's own interest. Since, all politicians are misusing the national interest and religions at all levels, EC has taken strong steps.

EC asked Rita Bahuguna Joshi for having a press conference, spit physically and physically lick her own spit. EC asked her to give in writing that whatever she said against Narendra Modi or BJP is said in mentally ill conditions. EC asked Rita Joshi for written apology on stamp paper that whatever she said in praise for Sonia Gandhi or Rahul Gandhi was sham, false and totally a lie. EC also made rule that whenever, a politician changes party the politician has to spit first, then lick it before press and an EC representative and give in writing on stamp paper that whatever is said by him or her in past was total lie.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Instead of Unified Civil Code, India requires Unified Civic Sense

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 20 October 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

There is competition among various societies, sects and political parties for scoring their marks in commenting on 'Unified Civil Code'.  There is competition among TV channels for debating and announcing unbreakable breaking news about Unified Civil Code. There is severing competition among scholars for writing on unified civil code in India. There is completion among citizens getting confused by comments of the above participants.

In my opinion, India does not require unified civil code but India requires unified civic sense very badly and urgently. 

Instead of Hindu brigade quarrelling on Muslims or minorities coming under unified civil code, Hindus should learn civic sense of destroying the untouchability among themselves. The most uncivilized custom is following the untouchability custom. I call all Hindus for disobeying untouchability code instead of poking nose on Muslims following their faith. 

Spitting by whomever, anywhere, whenever is another harmful code that every Indian follows. Instead of fighting for unified civil code or non unified civil code, we all Indian stops spitting openly and follow unified civic sense of not spitting anywhere.

Most of people are throwing mud on other's religious rituals or Karmkand and making India muddy, dirty and intolerant. Most of Indians are habitual (culture) throwing their house dirt out anywhere. Instead of throwing mud on other religious customs we should stop throwing dirt and dust anywhere in out. We should stop intentional littering.

Most people without knowing other's religious insight criticize other religion. We should stop teaching our children hating other religions.

Hindu Temples are the worst in cleanness. Instead of being eager for reforming other religions, Hindu should reform them in keeping temples clean without insects.

We always talk about our rights and other's duties. We should follow a unified civic sense that first; we talk about our duties and then show fingers others for their duties.

We always show other people of different religions that they should follow such path. However, while we are driving vehicles or walking on footpath, we seldom follow the rules of the road. Before talking unified civil code, we should be aware for following the rules of the road.

We always are need of respects from others but never think our duties for offering respect to others. Instead of demanding unified civil code we should learn respecting others.

There are many other rules we have to follow. My advice to everybody is first we learn following civic sense and then talk about unified civil code.

We don't need unified civil code but we need civic sense first.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Is Boycotting Chinese Goods a Sign of National Pride?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 19 October 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

My friend Rahul Bhatti  the CEO of famous Indian brand Anoda  said, " There is only one way India can come out of this  mess of imbalance between Chine import and export to China."

"How is it possible?" curiously I asked, as we were chatting with tea in Anoda head quarter.

"Indians really should boycott Chinese brands and should opt only for Indian brands as Anoda, Videocon, and BPL. Every time, Indians buy Chinese brand, an Indian loses job" Bhatti said.

I said, "It is vicious circle. Indian brands are costlier than Chinese brand. Take example of TCL or Heir, both are cheaper than Onida, BPL and even cheaper than Videocon. Chinese brands selling more, so, they are cheaper."

Bhatti's private secretary came and said, "Sir! Plastic body supplier Miss Chai –un- Lee on phone"

Bhatti picked the receiver, "Hello Lee! Where is the supply of plastic bodies for my washing machine? Plastic bodies were supposed to reach Noida by three days back. If you can't supply in time I shall seek another supplier for washing machine plastic bodies. See that, I receive plastic body by tomorrow"

"You get plastic bodies for washing machines from China and not from Indian suppliers?" I asked.

Bhatti answered, "Indian suppliers! Dam bad suppliers! I get at half of the price from China what these Indian buggers supply me. Indian suppliers are unprofessional"

There was buzzer on his phone and he listened, said to me, "A call from Taiwan" and picked up phone, "Hello! Kim Ling! What is the hell? I ordered thirty five thousand fully assembled Microwave Oven to you and still I have to receive five thousand convection Microwave Ovens. You know Deepawali sales have already started and my dealers as Vijay Sales is on my head. He is eating my head. Please find out where is the vessel on the sea." He kept phone.

"Don't you assemble Microwave Oven in India?" I checked up.

He explained," If I assemble Microwave Oven in my factory I will have to beg from tomorrow. Nobody can assemble Microwave Oven in India and sell at today's price."

 The purchase manager entered into room.


Bhatti said, "Mr. Balani! Tell me good news first."

" Sir Good news is that hundred containers of fully assembled 32" LCD panels (televisions) , thirty LED panel containers will reach to dock today and balance fully assembles all types of panels are reaching tomorrow. All imported parts for refrigerators have already reached at factories." Balani offered details.

"Now, tell me bad news." Bhatti asked.

"Sir! We called fifty thousand fully assembled mixer grinders from China. Now, custom officials are saying that importing fully assembled mixer grinders is unlawful. The penalty is fifty lakhs."

"How much are they asking under the table for clearing without penalty?" Bhatti asked.

"Twelve lakhs rupees." Purchase manager answered.

"Give them fifteen lakhs and get consignment cleared immediately." Bhatti ordered.

Purchase manager went out and a smart boy entered.

Bhatti said, "Yes Mr. Advertising Manager! "

Advertising manger showed four art works and said, "First art work is 'tomorrow's technology today'; another art work is 'The way foreigners live '; third is 'Smart brand Smart customers' and last is 'Buy Indian, Be Indians' campaign.".

Bhatti cleared, "Forget technology. Today, time is for boycotting Chinese brands and buying Indian brands. Therefore, go for 'Buy Indian and Be Indians' campaign. Put this ad in all TV commercials, print media, social media and outdoor. Put sketch of Gandhi Ji and photos of Videshi Kapdo ki Holi by Gandhi Ji too"

After taking a pause, Bhatti said, "Connect me to Baba Ramdev Ji, if he agrees, we shall put his photo along with Gandhi Ji in 'Buy India, Be Indian' campaign."


Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Why does my Friend take Alcohol for Meditation?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 18 October 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

​South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

On Saturday night, I came to know from a common friend that my Garhwali poet friend Harish Juyal has been busy in meditation.

I did not believe. You can't believe on the news of Lalu Yadava taking Brahmacharya oath, Rahul Gandhi speaking logical speech and Pakistan signing peace pact with India without mentioning Kashmir. It was too late for calling and I decided calling Harish Juyal in morning.  Harish is one of the best humorous and satirical Garhwali Poets.

Harish, Madan and I are infamous for taking heavy alcoholic drinks whenever we meet in Dehradun. Therefore, I can't believe Harish leaving alcohol and opting for meditation. Harish is too junior than me in age but expert in making fun of everything including Sun, Moon and Munching with drink.

In morning, I called him. The female voice came from mobile, "I am Harish's mother speaking. Today is Sunday and Harish is under drink meditation for whole day. At present he is taking 'Neat' drink. Please call later on." She disconnected the phone. It was shocking Harish taking neat in early morning. He takes heavy drink but he never takes alcohol before 6 pm.

Around nine in mornings and I called again. Now a male voice was there and spoke, "I am his father. Harish is busy in taking 'cocktail'. He is unable for taking phone." It was more than shock for me.

I asked, "Cocktail?"

"Yes! It is the cocktail of soaked wheat, barleys and millets." He answered and put off phone.

I took three four times the cocktail of soaked wheat, barleys and millets alcohol  in villages and it is terrible drink as it teases intestine bitterly , more than xylol.

 I did not understand about such meditation. I presumed that it was Bammargi or Aghori Dhyan (extremist concentration).

 After two hours, I called Harish again. A new female voice was answering, "I am his wife. My husband is taking 'sour' drink', and then he will go for mist cocktail , then a bitter shot and then for reducing hangover he will take lime with dehydrated mango and he  might  go for a nip with mint. Please call late afternoon."

It was definitely Bammargi or Aghori Dhyan (extremist concentration).

 I called after noon again and voice recorder answered, "Dear friend! I have gone for taking 'drink on the rock'. I shall be free after 7 p.m. Please call after 7 p.m.

 I called at 7 p.m. and Harish was on line. He answered, "Hello! Kukreti Shri. I am sorry today was my drink day. You had to call me so many times." Surprisingly, Harish was energetic, sober and fresh even after so many drinks.

"Harish! What type of mediation is this? Drink, drink and drink whole day? " I enquired.

"Yes! Sunday is my herbal drink day." He politely answered.

"Herbal drink day?" I asked.

"Yes I take only herbal drink on Sunday." He explained.

I asked, "Then what was that neat, mist, shot, shrub, cocktail, sour, hangover …"

"Neat means only water. Cocktail of soaked grains means mixers of all soaked grains water. Shot means gulping bitter guard juice in a shot, reducing hangover means hangover of bitter guard juice, mist means fruit juice on ice etc." He explained in details for each word.

"What was that 'on the rocks'?" I asked.

"You have already seen a big Stone nearby my house. I go there with fruit drink and meditate 'on the rocks'. It is simple and nothing special about it." He answered.

"But why are you and your family members using alcoholic drink vocabulary? " I checked.

"We and my old friends are habitual of those words. You know old habits die hard." He answered and put off phone.


Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

World denounces the word "Terrorism"

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 16 October 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Waking up to India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi's constant shouting about the rising terrorism in the world and its epicenter "Pakistan", the world has decided to remove the word "terrorism" once and for all from all the dictionaries.

"That way the terrorism will be finally vanished from the world," said Ban Ki-moon, an outgoing Secretary-General of the United Nations "We are unable to find any new terrorist country which has miniscule trade and small population and which also scared of us. Therefore, we decided to completely remove this whole shit "terrorism" and find peace for the world. Now world will be peaceful shit again."

Adding to that Ban Ki-moon said "This Modi guy goes to every forum in the world and rakes up same issue of Pakistan again and again calling it a terror country without asking our (United Nations) capability, challenges for us of not been able to take a single step against terrorism and again and again recalling us of our failure to create some third class thing like peace in Syria, Iraq and Pakistan. Therefore, we decided to remove this word "terrorism" completely from the world dictionary and merge it with the word "peace". Now ISIS and Pakistan both could peacefully live together and let me sleep peacefully till my term ends."

Should I take Advantage of Surgical Strike by Indian Army?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 12 October 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

The wife said angrily, "You never give me chance for showing pride before my women friends."

I said, "Is my credit card not sufficient for buying pride some materials?"

She said, "It is not showing new jewelries, dressings or drawing room mattresses"

I asked, "What is now, new pride gimmick?"

She answered, "I can't show my face to my friends."

"Why?" I asked.

"Each of my friends has taken advantage from surgical strike by Indian army but till date, I did not take advantage." She said.

"Taking advantage from surgical strike?" I was shocked.

She said, "Yes! Mrs. Komal Yadav took advantage by telling us that her husband sent a post card to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh for taking stern action against Pakistan."

"Post card? Suggestion? Stern Action?" I asked

"Yes! Now, Mrs. Yadav has been boosting before us that Prime Minister Modi took the suggestion from her husband and took decision for surgical strike." She explained.

"But this is not good for taking advantage of what army did and we should offer credit to our army and political decision." I said

"You don't know anything. Mrs. Mayavati Pachauri has been also taking advantage from surgical strike." She said

"Wife of comrade poet Pachauri?" I asked.

"Yes! Mrs. Pachauri has been announcing proudly here and there that her husband wrote a poem wherein Indian government was suggested not to go for war with Pakistan but talk on secularism with Pakistan. Mrs. Pachauri says that the Prime Minister took suggestion from Pachauri's poem and did not go for war with Pakistan and limited only to surgical strike. "She explained.

The wife continued "Mrs. Panwar has also been claiming that due to her husband's Facebook post, Indian Army and Prime Minister were successful in showing Pakistan its place."

I said, "What is it happening in the society? "

"Everybody is in the race for taking advantage from surgical strike." She said.

"This is the time for celebration and not for taking advantage." I explained my view.

She said," When every politician is racing for taking advantage from surgical strike by Army, it is obvious that citizens will also follow the politicians. Now, tell me have you ever thought of war with Pakistan?"

"Yes! But that was just a causal discussion with friends." I answered.

"It is fine! It is enough for me for showing my friends that Prime Minister took suggestion from my husband."

Before I could tell her that I suggested for 'No War Pact with Pakistan' for hundred years, my wife ran away for taking advantage before her friends. 


Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Most Popular Recently

Search This Blog



Join us on Google +

Follow Us On Facebook

Relatively older