Which is better - Sympathy message, Sympathy call or Sympathy Gift for Kumble?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Saturday, 24 June 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,



South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

Wife - I am fed of your laziness.

I-I already cleaned the toilet.

Wife- It's not about your indoor duty. It's about your off the field duty for conveying sympathy o Kumble

You always forget your main duties. You still did not send sympathy messages to capricious, correct, complete batsman Gautam Gambhir and spin veteran, Dusra man, terminator Harbhajan. Indians are always ungrateful for those bringing glories for India.

I-Both are neither retired nor tired but trying for comeback. It would be great injuries for them by receiving my sympathy bukes.

Wife- Yes! But for selectors, they are more than tired, retired and spent forces.

I-But, I will never insult them.

Wife- Then you should send sympathy buke, message or call to the greatest Indian bowler Anil Kumble.

I-Why sympathy gift to the great coach Kumble?

Wife- Because Indian Cricket Board humiliated him.

I-The main job for BCCI is to humiliate its players, coach and staff. We have been witnessing from Lal Amarnath to Mahendra Singh Dhoni and now Kumble the BBCI's humiliation.

Wife- Let BCCI terminates our national heroes ungracefully but we responsible citizens should pay honor to our heroes. You call Kumble and show our sorry for BCCI insulting him and offer our honor to him for his heroic job as a player and as a coach too.

I-No! I can't!

Wife- Then you send Kumble a sympathy buke and a congratulating buke together through Bangalore flower shop.

I-No I can't.

Wife- Then you visit personally and offer our gratitude and sympathy too.

I-That too, I will never do that in my life.

Wife-Why?

I-Just after BCCI threw out Kapil Dev as captain, I met him in Murphy's double wicket tournament party. First, I showed my honor for him being a great Indian captain and then I showed my hearty sympathy for BCCI throwing him out as captain.

Wife-Kapil might be happiest man.

I-No! Kapil shouted angrily on me and said, "What great captain? Nobody can't be a great captain with Indian players having huge egos as Gavaskar, Vengasarkar . .. many such egoistic Jokers. I am sure Kumble will shout on me, "What great coach? No coach can redeem his duties with player as Virat Kohli with big ego."

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, 25 June 2017

What do I do with my hands!

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 23 June 2017 | Posted in , , , , ,



South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

The biggest problem for smokers and alcohol drinkers is attending alcohol less dinner party in hotels or wedding halls. When there is alcohol party and smoking is permissible, the smokers and drinkers can use their hands as per need.

However, when there is no alcohol and you can't smoke in party premise, there is problem for smokers and habitual drinkers for what do they do with their hands. Smokers and drinkers are habitual for actions with their hands. You reach at party hall at seven pm and dinner would start by nine. So, you face problem of what do you do with your hands. As a smart smoker and as a hard drinker, I shall tell you 'what to do with your hands' in nonalcoholic and nonsmoking dinner parties.

First, spend your maximum time near door that you may raise your hands for Namaste. Keep on doing namaste even to younger ones that you may keep your hands busy. You will be doing 'namaste' for keeping your hands busy but people will praise for your well-mannered, courteous and egoless nature.

When you are sitting on chair, keep rubbing, pressing or scratching the chair arms.

After some interval, rub your hands, close and open your fist or regularly put your finger into your nose or ear and then clean by handkerchief. Sometime, you should clean your eyes by fingers. You may scratch your back neck back and sometimes the calf. However, never scratch below your belly and above your thigh areas as people may perceive you are suffering skin disease.

You may rub your cheeks to offer actions for your hands. Better you rub children cheeks than yours but never try rubbing lady's cheeks for providing works to your hand. It is injurious, hazardous and illegal to rub other's wife's cheeks in public place or alone.

You may cross your hands as cricketers do at third slip. You may do soundless clap at intervals but purposeless loud clap in a party are dangerous, injurious, ruinous to your image.

In lawn party, you may do some bowling action, batting or catching actions.

My top most advice is leave alcohol and smoking.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, 24 June 2017

A World Where a Hunter wants to be Caught, Hooked and Hunted

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 22 June 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

South Asian Satire, Sarcasm, Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

If you are from rural India you might have experienced predators as fox, tiger and vulture catch, hook and kill their preys as goat, cows, dogs etc. Not Mumbai cats but village cats hunt rats. Dog hunts monkeys. If you are urban guys then go and watch discovery channel for knowing how hunting animals have killing or violence weapons and how the hunter animals make strategies for catching, hooking and killing their preys. The tiger has speed, high agile nature, eyes and sharp teeth, nails. The preys as goat, cow or rabbits have defending organs and characteristics that they are safe from hunters. No animal creates strategies that it is caught and killed by the hunters.

Have you known any fish that is eager to be hooked by fisherman? I think no.

However, there is a world where prey prays for being hooked, caught and hunter regularly by hunters.

Yes, there is plant kingdom where plants want their organs, flowers, fruits or seeds are eaten by somebody else. But such strategy is not found in animal kingdom where preys require that hunters catch them.

There is another world where prey makes its organs or structure suitable for hunters catching it.. Preys pray that hunters catch them, hook them, enjoy them and hunters come again and again and catch them (preys). In virtual world, fish creates such organs that man catches her very easily.

Yes! The name of such world is Internet or Virtual world. In virtual world, we authors pray, wish, go to any extent that we are hooked by hunters ( readers ).

We authors of virtual world, create fine sites, use best key words for key words optimization, go for strategy for the search engine optimization that we are caught, hooked, enjoyed by our predators that is readers.

Hunting animals have organs and characteristics that they can kill their preys and we virtual authors create such weapons that our beloved hunters catch us and enjoy us. Cows, goats and rats hate their predators buy virtual world authors love thy predators and wish they come again and again and search us, catch us and hunt us. Authors create conditions for to be caught in the reader's web .

We virtual world authors are as flowers and search bees come and enjoy their nectar.

Do you make strategies that the hunters, slayers, predators catch you, hook you and hunt you?

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, 23 June 2017

Rahul Gandhi’s Views on Presidential Candidate Announced

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 21 June 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , , , ,

South Asian Satire, Sarcasm: Bhishma Kukreti
Jhuthistan news agency reporter Jhuthelal reported –
Secretary – Hello! Sir! Sorry to disturb you for holidaying in out of India.
Rahul Gandhi- Don't worry.  For me, Indian politics is holidaying only.
Secretary – That is … Sir it is urgent to discuss with you. There is presidential election.
Rahul Gandhi- But that is in July.
Secretary –Yes! But Sonia Ji called a Mahagathbandhan meeting for selecting presidential candidate.
Rahul Gandhi- Has BJP declared its presidential candidate?
Secretary –Yes Sir.
Rahul Gandhi-Who?
Secretary- A Dalit candidate.
Rahul Gandhi- Why? Are there more MPS and MLAs from Dalit communities?
Secretary – No sir. Dalit candidate is symbolic for BJP that party takes care of Dalit. It is for getting future Dalit votes.
Rahul Gandhi-Oh! As we do symbolic acts for luring Muslim votes.
Secretary-Yes Sir. Same way BJP is acting.
Rahul Gandhi- Shit! BJP also learnt deceptive politics.
Secretary – Yes Sir.
Rahul Gandhi- Why did you call?
Secretary- Sir! For knowing your views on candidate.
Rahul Gandhi- let us nominate a Keralite candidate. We may win from there.
Secretary –But , sir , Kerala is small state. We should select from bigger state.
Rahul Gandhi- UP?
Secretary- but Sir, we don't have any worker left  from  UP.
Rahul Gandhi- Bengal ?
Secretary – Mahagathbandhan would be in danger before it is born. Mamata Didi would be furious as wild cat as she will think that you are luring Bengalis.
Rahul Gandhi- Should we go for a Muslim candidate?
Secretary-Can't do that. Already, Hindus are away from us.
Rahul Gandhi- Then a Dalit?
Secretary – Sir, marvelous idea to neutralize BJP's strategy.
Rahul Gandhi- Then tell to Diggi uncle for going for Dalit.
Secretary- Which one?
Rahul Gandhi- Will  Meera Kumar be OK ?
Secretary – I doubt. Lalu ji would not like Congress candidate from Bihar.
Rahul Gandhi- Sushil Kumar Shinde ?
Secretary- No sir. There is hope that Sharad Pawar Ji would come in Mahagathbandhan camp.
Rahul Gandhi- Then …
Secretary –Then?
Rahul Gandhi-Hey! Why can't we nominate Mom as Mahagathbandhan presidential candidate?
Secretary- Sir! It is definite that our candidate will lose the election.
Rahul Gandhi- Shit! Many problems in democracy …
Secretary – Yes Sir
Rahul Gandhi- Hey! My grandmother (Nani) is calling me. I shall call you back for presidential candidate
Nani- Pappu! Che fai ?
Rahul- Nani! Please don't be cruel on me as an Indian for calling me Pappu.
Copyright @ Bhishma Kukreti, June, 2017

Kejriwal Demanding Modi’s Resignation over Pak loosing Hockey match against India

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 19 June 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Satire, Sarcasm, Humor: Bhishma Kukreti
Am Admi Party supreme, dreamer of being Punjab Chief Minister and Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal asked Indian Prime Minister Modi for his immediate resignation. The famous reporter Jhuthelal of the Jhuthistan news agency  that immediately after Pakistan winning Cricket Champion Trophy by defeating India , Kejriwal called a press conference at his residence. In presence of all bias reporters, AAP chief Arvind attacked on Modi from left, right and top.
Arvind Kejriwal criticized Modi that Modi being a RSS cadre did praised Indian hockey team and that is totally non secular to support Indian team which defeated a Muslim country team. Kejriwal explained to Jhuthistan agency reporters that it is sad that Indian Hockey team defeated Pakistan Hockey team in London on 17th June 2017. Tearing, sobbing, crying Kejriwal showed his pain for defeat of Pak Hockey team and condemned Indian team to defeat team like Pak. With anger, Kejriwal criticized Hindu Rashtra Bhakta Modi that instead of condemning Indian team he congratulated the team. 
Delhi CM also criticized Narendra Modi for not congratulating Pakistan team that defeated India in a critical cricket match. Kejriwal congratulated Pakistan team for defeating lousy Indian cricket team. Kejriwal requested all secular parties, secular journalists and reward returner writers to send congratulating messages to each Pak team members and its crew members.
Kejriwal criticized Kohli for not including Muslims, Christians and Buddhists in cricket team.
Delhi CM sent a letter to Delhi LG for announcing one rupees crore each to Pak team members for saving secularism in India.
AAP party chief also told to reporters that he would talk to other secular parties for persuading Modi to resign for congratulating Indian Hockey team and not congratulating Pakistan cricket team.
Kejriwal will sit on 'dharna' for Modi to resign for showing his non secular face. Before reporter,  Kejriwal took 1001st oath to save secularism in India.
Copyright@, Bhishma Kukreti 19/6/2017  

Lalu Yadav demanding Z PLUS Protection from Media

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 18 June 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Satire, Sarcasm, Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

Jhuthisthan agency reported that after the Lalu pushing and abusing the Republic Reporters episode, Lalu Yadav the convener of Mahagathbandhan wrote a 100 page letter to the Indian Prime minister Narendra Modi.

Jhuthisthan reporter provided copy of all pages and few lines are here-

Hey! "Na Khaunga  na Khane Dunga' slogan creator! Since you don't have children you don't need assets for anybody. However, I am father of eleven children, I have to grab land, I have to grab money and even I have to eat fodders for chickens. Modi ji ! You can't understand the pain of a father in grabbing assets and saving for his successors for seven generations. I am so shameless that I am not requesting you for stopping enquiries for assets grabbed by me, my children and my brother in laws. Since, I already sold my soul I am ready to go jail for my grabbing money from poor people as my Gardner, my peon and railways employees whom I appointed. I am not embarrassed by my sinful deeds as in this era, politician has to play a dacoit role.

My pain is different. I am afraid of reporters from Republic, Times Now or Zee News asking awkward questions. They ask nasty questions for my grabbing money through corruption, though the corruption is by now a custom. Those shameless reporters ask such nasty, horrible questions though simplest ones those lawyers don't ask such questions. 

Lalu Yadav demanded from Prime Ministers for offering Z PLUS security to all corrupt, goons and mischievous politics for protecting them from reporters. Lau Yadav argued by those offensive reporters disturbing politicians serving the society means their family members.

Lalu offered 100 reasons for government security for protecting corrupt politicians from TRP hungry, award hungry and monsters reporters.

In support of Lalu Yadav, hundreds of politicians and their family members also signed on the memorandum with foot notes. A few notes are interested-

Yadurappa- Corruption by politicians should not be called corruption but Dakshina.

Karti p Chidambaram – No politician's son should be asked by reporters barring NDTV reporters.

Badal – The parliament should abolish word bribery from dictionary and those accuse politicians for corruption should immediately put in jail.

Mamata Benrjee- Media houses should be closed forever. Government should open new financial agencies multi-level marketing or cheating houses.

Mayavati, Stallian- Only Dalit should be allowed officially for taking bribes.

Robert Vadra- Politician's in laws should be allowed land grabbing as Dahej or dowry.

Karat- Secular politicians should not be harassed for their corrupt methods.

 Jhuthisthan reporter reported that many BJP members are in favor of favoring Lalu and Modi is under severe pressure.

 Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, June 2017

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