PM advisory suggests using Fair and Lovely to turn white from black

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 12 January 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Prime Minister's office issued an advisory to entire nation to use Fair and Lovely fairness cream to turn white from black. The advisory came in the midnight saying start using Fair and Lovely tomorrow morning onwards like our honourable Prime Minister does.

"That way you will look white," said the advisory. A PMO source told India Satire correspondent that this was PM's surgical strike on complex of people over black skin in India.

Manish Sisodia confirms Arvind Kejriwal will continue to keep on bragging even if elected as Punjab Chief Minister

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 10 January 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,


"There will be no change in Arvind's gossiping, bitching and boasting nature even if he becomes chief minister of the big state like Punjab," in a packed press conference Delhi Deputy Chief Minister Manish Sisodia confirmed "He will continue to brag and will always remain down to earth like any character in Ekta Kapoor's serials."

Manish Sisodia who yesterday said that Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal may become Punjab Chief Minister and so on so forth was addressing the concerns of common people who were worried about their time pass will be stopped immediately after Kejriwal becomes the Punjab CM. People who love Kejriwal's funny arguments and rhetorics in between the boring Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi ego clashes asked Sisodia whether Kejriwal excel his character and become more serious and sensible.

Sisodia told the entire nation "Arvind knows entire nation loves him for doing some time pass. Even at home he gossips about neighbours and relatives with his family members. That's his basic nature other than some laziness in the bed. He can't leave his fundamental values even if he becomes Prime Minister of Timbak Too."

Innovative parrot to inform Narendra Modi's surprising policies to opposition parties well in advance

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,


​In a major success to track in advance what Prime Minister Narendra Modi will say or announce, opposition parties found Pappu Parrot who has the ability to predict the policies. Congress Party who took the lead in cracking this deal with Chandu Pakshiwala confirmed that Pappu will substantially reduce uncertainty over Modi's announcements. The party vice president Rahul Gandhi told India Satire correspondent that Pappu has a 99% success in predicting all the policies of Modi and therefore Congress Party led all other parties to own it so that poor people of India will not suffer uncertainties. According to party sources, Chandu Pakshiwala took huge money to sacrifice his ownership. The sources also confirmed that the negotiations were going on for past 10 months and the party saw the success of Pappu in predicting demonetization.


In a press conference, Rahul Gandhi told reporters "This was my earthquake. Pappu will finish this authoritarian government once and for all. We have done all our due diligence and found that when poor suffer due to uncertain policies of the government. We think that Pappu will allow us to inform them well in advance what is there in the minds of Modiji." Top leaders of all the parties were also present showing the solidarity with the largest opposition party of India.

The sources told India Satire correspondent that Pappu will be kept at the house of Arvind Kejriwal, Chief Minister of Delhi as all the opposition parties wanted a honest and unbiased political leader as the treasurer of the new found treasury.

Indians are worried for Putrefying Education System

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 9 January 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

Every Indian is worried about putrefying education system in India. Even Caribbean, African citizens and Nepal government are showing concern for uselessness of Indian education system. Ruling parties, opposition parties and side changing parties have been showing concerns from 1947 that India should do something for improving Indian education pattern. Every Indian is in search of that 'SOMETHING' that would revolutionize Indian education system generated by Lord Curzon. That something has become a mirage.

Education minister speaks in morning that coaching classes are spoiling the education system. Immediately, opposition parties call press conference that the minister is ignorant about the services being rendered by coaching classes. In the evening, the education minister inaugurates a coaching class and praises the coaching classes. Immediately, opposition parties call again the press and accuse the minister for having financial interest that coaching class.

Every Indian teacher is worried for deteriorating education. However, when the government starts changing a system, teachers go on strike as they have to work more hours for changing education pattern. 

Parents put memorandum before the school management for improving education system. When the school management calls the parents meeting, the parents send messages that they have already arranged important picnic, they can't change the schedule and they can't attend the meeting. 

TV news channels blame the government for reducing education budget. TV channels beams the news of a cat giving birth for hours but do not offer even one percent time for discussing the education seriously.

Rahul Gandhi tweets that the government should immediately plan for using the mobile phone medium for improving rural education. Not as the Prime Minister but as a BJP leader, Modi tweets in reply that what the Congress was doing for sixty years in power. Other parties comment through tweeter as per their present loyalty either to Congress or BJP. Nobody is really serious for changing.

Education system is a scribed street dog and everybody wants healthy street dog but nobody is ready for taking that dog to the right hospital.

 

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 10/1/2016

What is Secularism?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 8 January 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

The teacher asked a student in the class, "Ghyalu! Tell us what secularism is?"

Ghyalu- From the independent, there is discussion is still taking place on the secularism and there are many theories about secularism. However, I am confused.

Teacher- Ok. Murti! Tell me about secularism.

Murti- I know only that secularism for politician is elephant for blinds.

Teacher- Sit down. Gundari! Tell me about secularism.

Gundari- Perhaps secularism is as if you don't have anything to blame on BJP, blame BJP for destroying secularism.

Teacher- Bhundari! Tell me about …

Bhundari- I think in secularism, you may support All India Muslim Majlis but criticize RSS is secularism.

Mahima- Yes! Get support of fundamentalist Asaduddin Owaisi is secularism but raising the issue of Kashmiri terrorist is non secularism.

Teacher- Meharban! Tell me …

Meharban- as a Hindu you offer Iftar party by putting a round cap openly before cameras and hiding by all means that you also visit Vishwanath temple is secularism.

Teacher- Ishmat! Tell…

Ishmat – Secularism is a sharp tool for fooling minorities especially Muslims.

Imran- Yes! Secularism is a lollypop or balm for blinding the Muslims

Kaira- No! Calling Osama Bin Ladin as Osama Ladin Ji is secularism and Savarkar Ji as deceiving Savarkar is secularism.

Bhairon- No! Openly, asking Muslim not to vote for Samajvadi Party by Mayavati is secularism and talking about Ram Temple is non secularism.

A Few- No…secularism means not to talk about majority but talk about minority.

A few –Yes

Loud voices –No, No, Not at all. Appeasement is a must …

Teacher- I think India requires more debates for clarification about secularism.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai 2016

Some Stray Thoughts in First Week of 2017

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

And, for another Saturday, this time on the first week of 2017, few more stray thoughts and definitely, all are mines.

Like, there is a proverb that due to luck for the cat the milk pot tilts. It is luck for BJP, BSP and Congress that there is split in Samajvadi Party. Though, even Mulayam Singh Yadav does not believe that there is split. Even, God does not know which side Mulayam can go. MS Mamta, Sonia Gandhi and his own wife Sadhana Gupta will vouch the God that in this galaxy, nobody can read the deceptive mind of Mr. Mulayam Singh.

Like, a couple of TV channels telecasted the opinion polls for states going for election. Every opinion poll is different than other. It seems either channels are telling lie or people tell a lie before surveyors. I think there is something wrong in surveying. As a marketing professional, I can definitely tell that surveyors on the ground do not work as per instructions. Many surveyors fill the questionnaires themselves at home without going in the field.

Like, it takes time for grooming the leader for fitting her or his feet on the legendary leader's shoes. Shashikala alias Chinamma will take time to show her strength for ADMK growth. Nobody could prove strong enough for Congress after the death of Mrs.Indira Gandhi. However, all hope for Shashikala becoming stronger than late Jay Lalitha but DMK leader Stalin does not like those blessing for Chinamma.

Like, CBI took remand for Trinmul Congress MPs on chit fund (MLM Cheat Fund) fraud cases against them as per Supreme Court direction. Mamta has been stressing that it is vindictive politics by BJP. However, without any sound proof on Modi for taking bribes from Sahara Group and Birla group; Mamta Banerji asking for PM's resignation.

Like, there are enough proofs against Punjab Congress leader Amarinder Singh about foreign money in foreign banks. Rahul Gandhi has been asking questions to the Prime Minister Modi for his name in Sahara and Birla dairies. Rahul Gandhi or any Indian citizen has every right for asking question the Prime Minister. However, Rahul Gandhi first should ask Amarinder Singh for clearing black spots on him. But, in India, logic does not work in politics.

Like, IT and ED department sent letter to BSP party for clearing the doubt about sudden deposits in bank. MS Mayavati called it vindictiveness against a Dalit Daughter (Dalit Ki Beti). MS Mayavati is exploiting her Dalit card. In past, upper caste exploited Dalits in the name of Dharma and now, a Dalit leader is exploiting situation in the name of Dalit Ki Beti. Time changes but the exploitation remains same in human society.

And final point of view

That may be 2017 better than 2016 for everybody but not for corrupt people.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 6/1/2017

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