What does Apple's iOS App Design and Development Accelerator in Bengaluru mean?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 18 May 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

Apple on Wednesday announced it would establish a Design and Development Accelerator in Bengaluru for iOS apps, with the aims to help "support engineering talent" and "accelerate growth" in India's developer community. The company said the development centre is planned to open in early 2017.

So what does it mean for India, Apple users and Apple?

1) Every 1 out of 7,50,000 engineers passed out from Indian colleges will dream to join Apple's centre. Rest 7,50,000 will dream for Google, 5 for Microsoft, 2 for Yahoo and no one for Infosys.

2) This 7,50,000 doesn't include engineers passed out as ATKT. They will get a privilege to dream joining great firms like TCS, Infosys and Wipro.

3) Whatever, it will still keep Apple's apps extremely unuser friendly.

4) Prime Minister Narendra Modi asks Apple to develop an app that will directly transmit him to other parts of the world under the make in India program through this centre.

5) Congress Party leader demands developing an app that will transmit Doremon to 10 Janpath, guarantees party's support to GST.

6) Arvind Kejriwal is confident that the app development team will be able to develop an app that will make him Chief Minister of all the states of India, Prime Minister of India and US President.

7) Will the life of engineers improve? - Does it matter?

Arvind Kejriwal promises 24 hour electricity at free of cost to Punjabis

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 17 May 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Aam Admi Party Chief Conveyor and Delhi's Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal promised people of Punjabi that he will give 24 hour electricity and water at free of cost if they elect his party in the upcoming state assembly elections. "I will give 24 hour non stop electricity and water for free which BJP Akali Dal alliance never thought of giving you," said Kejriwal "People of Delhi are very sacrificing and loving. They will sacrifice 10 hours of electricity and one day water to fulfill my dream."

Arijit Singh's wife Koel Roy slaps him hard

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,

In an unprecedented development, Arijit Singh's wife Koel Roy slapped him hard for singing at home and in front of sweeper Ram Kishan.

"I told him just before the marriage that he will never cry at home or in front of me. That was the only condition I put before marrying him. However, today in the bathroom he started braying loudly 'sun raha hai na tu ro raha hu mein' and many of his so called songs," Koel told India Satire correspondent clarifying her stand "I couldn't bear his depressing voice. I asked him to immediately come outside the bathroom and slapped him so hard, taking the revenge of all innocent human beings who don't tolerate braying against singing."

Koel confirmed that she slapped him hard in front of all the servants which will make it an unforgettable lesson for him.

"I also called his mentor music director Pritam to stay away at least 100 kms from our house or else I will pull out every hair from his beard wherever I found him. He is the main reason why such a depressing creature burdened on this world," said Koel "I started liking Nitin Mukesh's voice since I heard Arijit."

Rust gathers on spring that moves Rajdeep Sardesai's head back and forth

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , ,

The spring that allows great robotic journalist Rajdeep Sardesai to move and gold his head back and forth has been rusted leading to inflexible movement, said India Today sources.

"Sardesai moves his head 2 inch forward every time panelist trying to say something with expressions of shock, curiosity, anger and amusement giving in only one facial depiction," said India Today's sweeper cum peon Rahul Kanwal "A spring that has been fit into his neck help him move his head forward and backward and also bend it slightly aligning it to provide intellectual expressions. However, the India Today management has observed a constant krrrrrreerérrrrrrr noise whenever Rajdeep tries to move it. Our machine expert found a lot of rust gathered in that spring and requires oiling and greesing."

"The robot will be in good condition in next 2-3 days. It needs maintenance," India Today press release today said.

Rajdeep Sardesai's health condition worsens; Doctor advised him to join Twitter again

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 12 May 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,

Anti communal crusader and world famous Indian journalist for talking harsh truth on PM Narendra Modi and Internet Hindus, Rajdeep Sardesai's health continues to worsen. He is facing severe gastric trouble with a combo pack of diarrhea and constipation for last few days.

"He is still under observation. He is stuck up with 16mmbtu of gas in his stomach which hasn't been released for past 10-15 days. We tried everything from LPG pipeline to Natural gas pullers. However, the gas isn't releasing at all," said Dr. Nene, famous for treating unusual diseases "Our initial diagnosis seems to suggest that he isn't been able to release these gases naturally since he left Twitter. Therefore we suggested him to join social media network again or at least become a troll."

Meanwhile, the government received many complaints of trolling by some people saying 'GNight'.

Sending goodwill gestures to PM Narendra Modi, Somali government to give free access to 'Desi Mallu Aunties' videos under 'Digital Somalia'

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

Thanking India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi for comparing Somalia with Kerala, the Somali government announced free access to India's desi mallu aunty videos under the Digital Somalia campaign.

Somali President Hassan Sheikh Mohamoud said in a public address that he never saw any nation comparing Somalia with a single territory, forget nation in his entire life. Mohamoud said "Being a difficult terrain in the world I want to thank PM Narendra Modi for sending cool looks to us. We are overwhelmed with the idea of being a better state than that so called Kerala. I saw the attitude these Mallu guys in Gulf when I was working as a pizza delivery boy. He he, I am really happy and from today onwards you guys can watch desi mallu videos at free of cost. Long live Modiji. Long live Digital Somalia campaign."

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