5 most easy tips to successfully crack any job interview

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 27 April 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

The India Satire in its special report 5 things has brought to you 5 easy tips to crack cruelest of any job interview. Read the following and remember them always so that you will be saved from this evil job world.

Following are the 5 easy tips to successfully crack any job interview

·         Prepare like hell out of it. Always remember every new office has more chances of having at least one beautiful colleague than to expect from the current promoter to take beautiful new joining in the firm.

·         It's not only interviewer has the right to wear good clothes sometimes you too could get out of your animal instincts.

·         A good actor knows how to act opposite to his nature. Try to be humble just extremely opposite to your behavioral pattern.

·         No one is interested in your English speaking skills. Its donkey in you they would be most interested in. Donkey with very good tongue has an added advantage. Therefore, prove you are hardworking donkey with humble tongue to male interviewer and cute donkey with flirty tongue to female interviewer. In between, releasing few good vibes, again opposite to your nature will help.

·         You must have watched Conjuring. Every time you finish watching such a horrible horror movie, you must be feeling lively and kicking and not dead by some stupid paranormal guy. Job interview is same thing. You always know the end that you will reach home unscathed still you fear for it a lot. Therefore, before starting, think of end. There is no end to your life even if he kicks you out of the cabin.

Aam Aadmi tells Arvind Kejriwal he is aam aadmi and not joker

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 25 April 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Reacting to Arvind Kejriwal's threat of protesting against the central government if he loses MCD elections, aam aadmi firmly told the chief minister that he is aam aadmi and not joker. 

"Generally I am considered as an idiot whom any political party can make fool off. Kejriwal is doing that for a while now. I want to tell him that I may be aam aadmi but I am not joker and he should restrict his obsession of treating me some stupid one," Aam Aadmi told India Satire correspondent in his first interview "I never liked to express my opinion explicitly. I always did that using ballot machines. Now Kejriwal and Behenji both are doubting my intelligence of choosing right candidate by targeting manipulation of the machines. Their rhetoric may be funny for a while but not always. They can't take me for granted that I will accept all the nonsense they want to feed me."

This was the first public appearance of aam aadmi expressing his concern about the way political leaders always treat him stupid, donkey and idiot. However, his outrage couldn't go down well with AAP Chief Arvind Kejriwal.

"Aam aadmi is agent of Modi and wants to defame the idea of noble work done by AAP and Kejriwal," Kejriwal told India Satire correspondent.

New human being will borne with an in built mobile technology

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 24 April 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , , , ,

Every new human being borne after 1st April 2018 will be built with a new edge 12G ready mobile technology with 36 mega pixel camera and in built scanner in eyes, God informed in his latest press release. According to the office of God, the heaven is trying to match increasing speed of revolutionary mobile technology and successfully tried to develop human being with high end advanced mobile configuration. "We try to take the game to next levels. We stayed away from this cut throat competition earlier but now we want to make it big. As Mahatma Gandhi told years ago that next war will be mobile technology war, we couldn't kept us away too far from it," God confirmed "The new man/woman will be equipped with high end advanced dual front and single rear camera, advanced scanner that scans everything and rechargeable battery with free port facility. I have also added in built surround sound system fed with millions of new and old songs which will be recalled during the day time while the human being would be working. The memory will be strong and if some problem of recalling comes the woman memory (wife's memory) can be utilised."

Hindustan Unilever launches a new variant of Axe deodorant that actually lasts 10 minutes

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 23 April 2017 | Posted in , , , , ,

India's FMCG giant Hindustan Unilever Ltd. (HUL) announced a new range of Axe deodorant that actually lasts 10 minutes. Taking a big leap in the deodorants market, the company promised its consumer that the new variant of deo will help body odour to stay away for 10 minutes unlikely for the older versions which used to release fragrance for 30 seconds immediately after consumer sprays on himself. The company said "It received many complaints from the customers that neither any girl proposes him nor the deo lasts 24 hours. Forget 24 hours, it never lasts beyond 24 seconds. Now we can't do on one part that girl would be impressed with a consumer of Axe deodorant so we tried to increase the time duration of the deo. We innovated a new technology called body odour releasing control (BORC) which will actually help deo's fragrance to stay for 10 minutes unlike our older versions."

5 things to do before using Snapchat

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 20 April 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

The India Satire brings you 5 most important things to do before using Snapchat.

Following are five things to do

1.      First, install it give one star say whatever patriotic you want to say then uninstall and again install it as you still can't imagine spending your college life without Snapchat. Also hide that app somewhere in your mobile away from your Pappa/Daddy who just recently uninstalled it and have a single rating.

2.      Understand one thing; you are using Snapchat that means you are younger than users of Whatsapp by heavy margin and older than users of You Tube. Therefore whatever you say and whatever you post exposes you to the grim reality of being considered as over smart or extremely stupid. Therefore, keep ready to yourself for tight rope walk of balancing under age and over age.

3.      Before any snap, ask yourself whether you deserve to be viewed by public at large or your face is going to create nuisance for the eyes of your beloved. Also understand one thing that you are eligible to post your photos doesn't mean you started looking handsome /beautiful and you will her/his heart. Chances of creating a love story on Snapchat are as remote as Evan Spiegel's expansion of Snapchat in poor countries like India and Spain.

4.      Your family and friends every day in person tolerates you. That doesn't mean you come to their dreams as horror sequences. Understand one thing, limit your participation, else Trump will come.

5.      You got the camera doesn't mean do whatever you want. Be a neat and clean guy/girl. Take a bath every day, brush your teeth and put some talcum powder on your face so that people will not feel the day passed by was truly bad.

Cabinet clears Rs 3500 crore proposal to buy paper weights

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 19 April 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

New Delhi: India's Cabinet committee cleared a proposal to buy paperweights of Rs 3500 crore today. The government decided to procure all the paperweights in India itself under its flagship make in India program, a brain child of Prime Minister Narendra Modi. All the paperweights will be distributed among Indian bureaucrats in next one year. 

"They are very useful. We can put them on papers to keep pressure on them. They also indicate work could be postponed but life can't. During the hours of boredom officer or clerks can play 'catch' 'catch' with their fellow officials or colleagues. They could also help junior staff to express his anger. Paper weight is therefore makes workplace exciting," India's Finance Minister confirmed the India Satire correspondent "We will keep transparency in the transaction and will buy designer paperweights at very low cost under the make in India program."

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