Mosquitoes decided to take a leave during new bollywood movie 'Happy New Year'

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 17 September 2014 | Posted in , , , , ,

Mosquitoes across all the multiplexes in India decided to go on leave when the Farah Khan directed movie 'Happy New Year' will be released in the country. In its official release, the body governing urban mosquitoes working in the entertainment industry, Mosquitoes in Multiplexes (MIM) STRICTLY advised its members to take leave or avoid visiting any movie theatre during the shows of Happy New Year (HNY) will be played.

"We are very much concerned about the life of our members. We believe that working in the environment when 'Happy New Year' is released will be dangerous. We asked them to avoid going any shows of HNY by moving to some other movies or take leave and enjoy holiday break for 2-3 weeks," said Gingin Mosquito, President of MIM.

According to MIM sources, the governing body worries about the life of mosquitoes across the multiplex chains after watching HNY.

"Sucking blood of audience while on the other hand HNY is being played could be really dangerous. We have seen a very large scale killings of mosquitoes during Ra-One and Tees Maar Khan because of burst in their brains. We can't take that kind of risk again," said Grrgrr Mosquito, a member of MIM.

Talking about chosing only multiplexes and ignoring mosquitoes of mass theaters, Grrgrr Mosquito said "They are used to such kind of nonsense and therefore we don't need to include them in our notice."

Prime Minister Narendra Modi discusses 'posing in front of camera' with Chinese President Xi Jinping

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , ,

After giving a warm welcome to Chinese President Xi Jinping in India, Prime Minister Narendra Modi immediately started discussing business of improving ties between the two countries. Narendra Modi promised Jinping for sharing the technique of successful poses in front of camera. Modi delivered 35 most successful poses he gave to the mainstream media that improved his popularity in the country.

"It was a long pending demand from China. Chinese President specifically asked to insert the clause in our discussions that India would share the technical expertise of Mr. Modi's poses to camera. How he talks and how he creates his wave," said Shun Yu Ying, an official who was accompanying Jinping in his India visit.

The official sources told India Satire correspondent that Narendra Modi has delivered first installment of 35 poses in the closed door meeting with Jinping. The sources told that Modi personally gave all the poses in front of camera and promised to send more such in next few months. 

Jobless person watches Deepika's "cleavage show" more than thousand times

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,

A jobless person with no work to do appreciated Bollywood star Deepika Padukone's guts to reveal her cleavage. He also congratulated Times Of India for posting the news 'OMG: Deepika Padukone's cleavage show!'.

"I would like to thank Times Of India reporter for giving me opportunity to do some work. I saw her cleavage at least thousand times," said Pappu Pandey who is jobless since past 1 year even after voting for Narendra Modi to Prime Minister's post.

Pappu Pandey confirmed that he forgot that he was jobless and constantly stared at her cleavage, which was publicly displayed by Times Of India first time in the history.

"She always hid herself in full clothes and never displayed an inch of her body. But thanks to Times Of India that first time people like me who are no use and totally jobless get some productive work to do, and that is watching her cleavage. Even I appreciate her wordings that she has both the things 'breasts and cleavage'," said Pappu Pandey "Now with that eye pleasure I am going to watch 'Happy New Year' again and again."

India Satire correspondent tried to reach to people who have jobs and busy in kicking own ass at their offices. However, they were so much busy that 90% of them asked who Deepika is.

Study reveals PM Narendra Modi and Digvijay Singh were real brothers in their past birth

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 28 July 2014 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

A study by students of reincarnation studies has revealed that India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi and Congress Senior Leader Digvijay Singh were real brothers in their last birth. The study also revealed that there were few days in their life when they shared common views and were in fully agreement with each other on most of the issues.

"We had a brief visit in circa 1514-65 AD when we met Mr. Modi and Digvijay Singh in their last birth. It was a very brief visit to their family and friends. Digvijay Singh was Kripashankar and Narendra Modi was Ramshankar and had great bondage with each other. They were so much glued to each other that nobody could even thought of entering between them. Most of the times, they shared common views and fully supported each other's opinions on topics such as India's political conditions of that time. Kripashankar was a bit strict, sensible, strong, but mature person while Ramshankar was a bit naughty and outgoing one," said Ramnath Gumfa, Dean of Indian Institute of Study on Reincarnation.

Gumfa told India Satire correspondent that he has collected the DNAs of both Narendra Modi and Digvijay Singh at that time to prove his study. Ramnath also told correspondent that he was more interested in finding out the roots of fierce enmity between them.

"It was because of Pappushankar who joined them as a friend and influenced Kripashankar's thoughts through his strong oratory skills and idealistic nature. Pappushankar always believed in woman and youth empowerment. While Kripashankar impressed with Pappushankar's arguments, aggressive and naughty Ramshankar couldn't digest them and both had a split. I have also collected the DNA sample of Pappushankar and I am sure that he must be Rahul Gandhi in the current birth," said Ramnath Gumfa.

Kamaal Rashid Khan (KRK) completed 14 lakh abuses on Twitter

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 22 July 2014 | Posted in , , , , , ,

Bollywood actor and popularly known as KRK, Kamaal Rashid Khan completed 1.4 million abuses on Twitter since the day he joined the social media networking site.

By calling one of the bollywood actors 'ch*t*a', KRK announced his successful journey of creating new record of abuses on the social media.

The actor announced his accomplishment by saying 'Ch*t*a! KRK made the best BC 1.4 million abuses, nobody has ever accomplished. I am feeling like big ch*t*a today. God bless me!"

Interestingly, KRK's followers have abused him 4 times more than KRK abused anybody on the social platform, indicating the liberty provided by KRK to his fans.

"I gave them a chance abuse me," said KRK proudly.

Type of use of different abusive words by KRK and his followers

God demands time from UP Governor Aziz Qureshi to reassess his role in stopping rapes in the state

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , , , , , ,

God sought time from Uttar Pradesh Governor Aziz Qureshi for reassessing his role in stopping rapes in the state. God is likely to seek more clarity on the issue from the experts that how he could stop rapes which neither police nor the state government is able to do. God has sent his circular from the heaven, immediately after UP Governor put onus on him.

"I would like to check how and why I should stop rapes when Police and state government is deployed for that purpose. Boss! Till date I was enjoying my heavenly pleasure and suddenly this guy started blaming me," said God in his public notice "I am going to ask panel of experts on how and why I could control the rapes."

God was talking about UP Governor's Aziz Qureshi's claim that even the entire police force would not be able to control rapes and it is the duty of God to reincarnate and stop all these crimes.

God said, "I need some time, as my experts will answer me on my role and the reason why Governor put onus on me. By the way, if he is unable to control the rapes through his 'entire' police force, easy way out is sending people to the earth after castration. Is he ready for that? I believe his colleague Mulayam will not. By the way, my memory is not short; Mulayam told sometime back that rape was a paltry mistake made by young boys. What are his (governor) views on this statement?"


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