New Proverbs For Your Consumption

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 13 July 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

Every new invention, discovery, propaganda brings new proverbs. Some die within minutes a, same die after some time and only couple among thousands proverb remain for hundred years in practice.

Many proverbs emerged in recent past, recently and I will tell you about some.

The Fenku and Pappu will remain at least till Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi remain rivals. Fenku (exaggerator) and Pappu (Foolish or innocent) are not new proverbs for India. Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi provided strong images to Fenku and Pappu words.

Not to say much about Advani an 'Atript Atma' or quenchless soul. 

In a couple of sales meet, I heard the boss was shouting," Don't speak at a time, don't create chaos and don't make my meeting Indian Parliament." I pray from God,  "I hope this proverb will die shortly."

In past, accountants used to talk, "Have you tallied accounts?" Now, 'Tally' does not mean tallying the figures but it means 'Have you punch the figures in 'Tally' software"

Habitually, Indians mix lot of English words with  their languages and vernacular periodicals are using English words more than language words. Indians did not use English verbs in their language. However, now, everywhere you will hear the word 'SEND" as 'send kar diya', 'send kele' or 'send thai gayo'. After popularity of Internet e-mail, SMS and WhatsApp, 'SEND' word became a noun for Indians and meaning remains sending only.

 'Bhakta' means devotee and is common noun. In past, people used to say for A.R.Antule, Gundu Rao, Sathe as Sanjay Bhakta, India Gandhi Bhakta or Sonia Bhakta. However, now, Indians especially Congressmen made 'Bhakta' word as proper noun and now, 'Bhakta' means Modi Devotee. On social media, you will find sentences as 'What 'Bhakta' will say about Amarnath Yatra attack?, Bhakto! What do you say for china encroachment or Bhakto! What are your views on Wine on Mobile van in Uttarakhand?"

Proverbs come, some stay and most of them wipe out with time. However, I am hopeful 'Satirize as Bhishma Kukreti satirizes' proverb will remain forever.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, July 12th 2017

God! Save me from Cut Paste Knowledge Gurus

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 11 July 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

In India, there has been Guru Culture. In the past, the Gurus used to be in Gurukul or used to roam villages and never disturbed common men and never compelled the uninterested for taking knowledge.

However, a new irritating, disturbing Knowledge Gurus Culture or Cut Paste Guru (CPG) Culture in social media has become a reality.

In Gurukul time , fellows have to study, had to experience the realities, remember 'shlokas' for becoming Guru, today too, fellows have to get degree for becoming teacher (might be from Bihar Universities) but  modern social media CPG  does not need  formal or informal knowledge. Cut the knowledge sticker, paste and post in social media is his expertise in becoming CPG.

CPGs are everywhere, offer knowledge every time even in odd time. Wherever your mobile phone is there, there are knowledge Guru's messages. In past time, Gurus never visited to kitchens, bedrooms and toilets for knowledge offering. Today, CPG are with you in kitchen, bedroom and even in toilet.

The CPG's wife wants divorce because of no help from him for the family in house works but CPG sends cut paste knowledge messages about the importance of help to the wife in house hold works.

Many CPG pronounces Sanskrit as 'Sanskriti' as they can't understand Sanskrit but you get Sanskrit 'Sutra' with Hindi translation from those CPGs.

Many of my friends are weak in English but send WhatsApp messages for knowledge quotation in Latin for hiding their weaknesses.

Many Garhwali CPGs send me messages for loving our mother tongue Garhwali. I know that my CPGs don't speak Garhwali with their children but I have to send thanks in cut paste form .If I don't acknowledge their knowledge stickers about protecting endanger language as Garhwali, my CPGs call me back whether  I  received the messages or not and give me lecture in Hindi for  protecting Garhwali language. 

Initially, I used to irritate by cut paste knowledge but now, I take CPK from beloved CPGs as necessary evil.    

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, July 11th 2017

Lalu Prasad Yadav is lovable, likable and envious too

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

As a marketing writer, I dream writing branding books on Narendra Modi, Mayavati and Lalu Prasad Yadav and definitely Mamata Banerjee too. All four came from nowhere and became political axis then and now. Lau Prasad Yadav is different from all other three.

Nobody in Bihar heard Lalu name till Jai Prakash Narayan movement, when people  read in paper or heard rumor that Patna University Student Union leader Lalu Yadav was killed by police in student agitation. Somebody blamed that Lalu only spread the rumor. However, one or other had been blaming Lalu from that time and Lalu always been rising and rising.

Lalu has been a brand building master from the beginning –a political brand building master. His opponents always criticize him for supporting cast for his politics; his rivals criticize him for playing religious card (Muslim appeasement) and I admire him for choosing a master stroke Brand Niche –MY or Muslim and Yadav for his political branding. He is the product of opposing Congress and today he is fighting for Congress's survival against mighty BJP on the MY base.

For TV media, print and people, Lau had been a humor generator politician but he never behaves as fool while showing his humorous style. His raw or rural humor attaches him to his voters. Being humorous is his created persona for him but he is not Vidushak or clown but he uses humor as his servant. His humorous and cordial behaviors save him from diminishing his image due to serious corruption charges, Gunda raj or charges of supporting criminals. Lalu knows it clear that till MY and rural wordings niches are with him he is supreme in Bihar.

In branding, marketing and sales, maneuvering is a must. Lalu is great maneuverer. Working for Mahgathbandhan is nothing but maneuvering. 

 Many BJP supporters ask me for 'weapons for weakening Lalu' and my answers is - Make Lalu as MY less, humorless and then compel Lau for praising RSS and Lalu will be nowhere.   

     

Copyright@: Bhishma Kukreti, 2017

What to stock mustard oil, salt or tomatoes?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

The wife was saying, "Since, GST is over there what we should stock?"

 "GST is not over but it has started."

"But for government, it is over."

"No! For government too, it is started."

Wife-Whether GST is over or started, I am asking you what we should stock?

"Don't ask me as lower income group  wife what to stock."

"OK, OK! I will ask as a lower middle class wife .Tell me what to stock, mustard oil, salt or tomato?"

"Don't ask me as government clerk's wife from Delhi asks her husband."

"Don't be in fool's paradise. Government clerk earns more than you and spends more than you and his wife stocks more tomatoes than us. Tell me what to stock more?"

"Did I ask you ever who was better finance minister –Pranav Mukherjee, Chidambaram or Arun Jetley?

"Because you knew my answer, "All Finance ministers are same in increasing taxes on women's make up articles." .Tell me what to stock more mustard oil, salt or tomatoes?"

"Why are you after me for mustard oil, salt and tomatoes?"

"Because GST is started"

"So?"                                                                                                    

"You don't know before GST started, my friends started stocking many house hold items for next year."

"Why?"

"Because, the big retailers started advertising to buy before GST is statred."

"Now?"

"Now, those retailers started since, GST has really started 'so you stock more'."

"Is there price increase because of GST?"

"Nobody knows but my friends in colony, stated stocking grains, make up articles and my many friends started buying fridges, microwave ovens and televisions like items."

"Why?"

"I don't know. But every day, my friends are requesting me for seeing their new fridges, new washing machines or new toilet commode."

"But why is there such buying spree among your women friends?"

"Because, retailers are insisting for buying goods before GST is actually applied."

"If there is surety for price hikes, you should buy consumer electronic goods and not salt."

"We got money for stocking mustard oil, salt or tomatoes."

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, July 9th 2017

Tips for Irritating Friends through WhatsApp

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 5 July 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

WhatsApp is God gifted, Demon gifted and humanly created. Therefore, WhatsApp has all three aspects for helping, harming and irritating humans.

My friends ask me tips for irritating human community through WhatsApp. After getting thousands of irritating messages from close friends through God gifted WhatsApp I am forwarding for public for tips for 'Irritating Friends through WhatsApp'. These are my findings but no copyright on tips because friends unknowingly gifted me those itchy, prickly irritations.

Start irritating to your friends before the friends wake up. Before, friends wake,  send three four types of copied Good Morning stickers and none of your original ones. When your friend wake up and sees more than 900 Good Morning stickers from his 300 friends he does not need tea or coffee for becoming fresh. The friend has to delete all Good Morning messages as his mobile would be jammed by nonsense, useless, casual messages.

Before, your friend thinks for tea after deleting messages, he should receive a couple of inspiring cut and pasted messages from 300 friends. Boiling by inspiring messages, your friend will delete without reading all messages including boss's message, interview call message from prospective employer, supplier or customers.

Before, your friend thinks for going to washroom, you should post some photo messages about how to- urinate, toilet and take bath.

After sometime, you should post tea, coffee and continental or Indian breakfast photos that your friend does not need any breakfast after receiving such posts from 300 friends.

Then, till your friend reaches to office you should fill his WhatsApp message box by night's breaking news, lost and found messages, jokes, cartoons and stories about Feku or Pappu etc.

Don't forget posting Good after Noon, day time breakfast photos, Good Evening and then lastly three four Good Night stickers.

As a true friend, don't forget calling friends for knowing theirs responses on your messages.

You have social duties for irritating friends in groups too. I shall tell tomorrow about how to irritate WhatsApp group members.   

Copyright@, Bhishma Kukreti, July, 6th 2017

New Similes, Metaphors or Figure of Speeches

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , ,

South Asian Humor, Hilarity, Satire: Bhishma Kukreti

Every time, humans produce similes, metaphors and figure of speeches. Some figure of speeches become universal, some remained famous in localities and most sayings die within minutes.

In India, politicians or film starts are best medium for creating idioms, saying or figure of speeches.

I found a few new figures of speeches.

For example, within some Garhwali groups if you say his wife is Sonia Gandhi that means his wife is foreigner.

A few days back, we were discussing sales strategy in our office. There were differences between my two subordinates. One subordinate said, "Don't be Congress". That meant that don't oppose just for the sake of opposing. He got reply," Then you don't be DMK too with me." Here too, DMK means to oppose (ADMK) for every matter.

I am not lucky as Vijaya Mallaya is now, common for expressing – enjoy leisure shamelessly on government money or looted money.

Late Bhajan Lal the Haryana CM was the symbol of opportunism. Now, Nitish Kumar the Bihar CM is symbol of political opportunism. Now, don't be Nitish Kumar is a common sayings.

Rohan Gavaskar and Abhishek Bacchan are not lucky as Rishi Kapoor means not becoming famous as father was famous.

Many times, religious leaders specially Maulavis  comment on TV show – Nachniya, Laundi, Bandi for film actresses and in their  circle, film acting is lowest standard of work.

Famous Hindi film star Dilip Kumar is found of Khari (a cookie). If any film aspirant take much Khari regularly other aspirant teases him, "By taking Khari regularly does not mean you will become Dilip Kumar."

 "My cat behaves as Mamata Banerjee" means Mamata is as angry  cat.

It is bad word for me if anybody says to me "You are Rahul Gandhi." Rahul Gandhi now, is synonyms of no winner, loser and fool.

Lalkrishna Advani is used as goal so near and so far or who could not fulfill his main aspiration in life.

I don't need explanation for new proverbs –Feku and Pappu.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti , July 5th 2017

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