Breaking News: LG transfers Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal to Timbuktu

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Friday, 22 May 2015 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

After long standing dharna and drama of Aam Aadmi Party Chief and Chief Minister of Delhi Arvind Kejriwal, Delhi's Lieutenant Governor Najeeb Jung signed Kejriwal's transfer letter to Timbuktu. L-G office confirmed the development and said that Kejriwal will have to pack his bags immediately and take all his drama partners and to move out to Timbuktu to improve the lives over there.
"Just some time back L-G has signed the transfer letter of Arvind Kejriwal and Manish Sisodia. Both of them have asked to move to Timbuktu where L-G has provided them all the decision making powers. He can transfer anybody there. He can also appoint Jan Lokpal, as the government would not interfere in his internal matters. He will have all the liberty," said secretary of L-G Jung.

According to sources, in a power tussle between Kejriwal and L-G, finally L-G has shown what he could do. The source said that its enormous amount of power that L-G have, Kejriwal has to leave Delhi. The source also confirmed that anybody else in Delhi wants to accompany Kejriwal in making better lives of Timbuktu would ask to do so.
In a reaction to L-G's transfer letter, Kejriwal shut his mouth for a while waiting for something to come up in his mind to answer the query. Finally, when something came to his mind he said "Kya 'jung'le raj hai kya? I will send Modi and L-G to Timbuktu."

World will go to hell if PM Narendra Modi looses in 2019 elections

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,

Prime Minister Narendra Modi made a scathing attack on opposition who criticised him on his remarks that Indians felt shameful in India before he took chair of the country's prime ministership. Modi said that before he became prime minister of India there were no world at all.
"Yes, that is what Barack told me that he felt same way when he became US President. Since I became India's PM, the global energy levels have gone up by at least 100%, meaning there was no existence of the world at all before I became PM. I am sure if people don't elect me again in 2019 elections the world probably would collapse or go to hell," said Narendra Modi, addressing a wide audience in the mental asylum of Agra.
He told his audience that you should also feel same way and encourage and motivate yourselves that without you world would go to hell. That would help you guys think that how much you people are significant for the world and not just India.
"I am really shameful if I don't put this much of energy in you that by 2019 you would all think the same way as I think and not like some of my baby partners in the cabinet and my entire opposition," everybody laughed on Narendra Modi's comment. Modi confirmed them that his baby partners and opposition have lesser IQ than his audience in Agra's asylum.
Reacting to Modi's speech, Congress leader Digvijay Singh said "Look at the arrogance of Mr. Modi, he thinks world would go to hell and not in jannat. This is the Sanghi hypocrisy and communalism."

ISC declares results; AAP to Dharna for the inflated marks

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 20 May 2015 | Posted in , , , , , , , , ,

NEW DELHI / KOLKATA

The Council for the Indian School Certificate Examinations declared its results on May 18, 2015. The overall pass percentage in ISC (class XII) was 96.28%. The Aam Aadmi Party has put forth a strong disapproval to this inflation. Their spokesperson and Deputy CM Manish Sisodia held a press conference at their Delhi Headquarters "Their pass percentage has gone up by 1.01%. All this is happening because of the Modi Government. The common man in the state boards is not even able to pass." This was soon followed by a round of Dharna's. The student wing of AAP went with 14 hoardings and 322 black flags outside the ISC office and registered their displeasure. However, it was a peaceful protest because the books burnt and the slogans shouted did not harm anyone physically.

This news soon spread across the country. At Kolkata, outside Arkya Chatterjee's home (The Topper this year), heavy police was deployed. On meeting our reporter, the commissioner said "Arkya was threatened on Twitter that he would be made to write the state board exams. We will deploy SPG if required." On meeting the Chairman of West Bengal State Board, our reporter was told "We support AAP for this. Such results create a lot of imbalance in the country. The score of an average ISC student is enough to pass 2-3 West Bengal State Board students."

However mixed responses were received from the student community. Somewhere in Chandni Chowk, students alleged that all this is done because Arvind Kejriwal during his schooling was denied admission in an ISC school because of his Dharna attitude. Our team tried to get a comment from the Delhi ISC schools over his application but no one was available for a comment. Later, an AAP insider confirmed "Arvind ji was denied an admission but that should not be related to this. He is a noble man and is doing this so that the inflation does not harm the student community." We also got to know that Mr. Kejriwal had sent his IIT JEE results to every ISC school he was denied of back then to show his capability.

Later in the day, we got in touch with Sanjay Singh of AAP who explained "During our time, a 60% was a good percentage and brought smiles to the family. When Raghav Chadha was in his 12th, a decent 80% was good to cheer up people. And now, even 95% is frowned by the society. All this is done by BJP and Congress. This inflation is indirectly benefiting the coaching classes."

Kumar Vishwas on Twitter posted a poetry and gave a ew perspective to this episode :
" Koi deewana kehta hai, koi pagal samajhta hai,
Magar results ki bechaini ko bas student samajhta hai
Main 95% se door kitna hoon, woh mujhse door kitna hai
Woh ISC board samajhta hai ya mera state board samajhta hai.. "
428 retweets and 972 favorites.

However, the students of ISC board disapproved this and decided to block AAP page. The Association of Coaching & Tuition(ACT) is believed to have raised this issue to the HRD Ministry and we will soon get back with an update.

(Reported by India Satire Journalist Mr Anand Bhate. Follow him on Twitter)


Bollywood Movie Preview: Piku

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 6 May 2015 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Directed by Shoojit Sircar, Piku is going to be released this weekend. Following are the specific points of the movie which would help you in deciding whether to watch the movie or not.
Long story in short
v  The movie is something about constipation, its symptoms, causes and effects. However, solution is hidden and if you guys think that the movie would answer the solution on your constipation then you will have to wait for Piku 2.
v  There is no reason why Deepika Padukone is working in this movie; it was just 'My Choice'.
v  No cleavage show, no hot and sexy scene and no kissing scene in the entire movie, for-a-change going by her new doctrine 'My Choice'.
v  She has also utilized her choice of maintaining same kind of facial expressions.
v  Amitabh's fans who died after watching Shamitabh can book their tickets from heaven and hell. From sources in heaven and hell, ticket prices are very low due to absence of demand after Shamitabh debacle.
v  The movie is generalized to be a funny one where Amitabh, Deepika and Irfan Khan will have sarcastic triangle. In the climax, Amitabh will stay with his constipation, releasing gases and allowing Deepika to go with Irfan. For a change, he wouldn't die in the movie.
v  Dhanush is playing cameo. Don't worry, it's just a joke.
v  Deepika has done everything to look 'fair'.
v  Why to watch?
To see an original problem of the third world
v  Why not to watch?
To avoid a movie that mocks the problem of the third world, which you face regularly.
v  Finally
Take The Toilet paper of India (TOI) with you to convert the lobby into reading hall if you feel the movie is boring.

Court to consider Salman Khan's total term spent in Bollywood jail; punishment could reduce to 1 day

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , ,

In a fresh appeal by the defence lawyer of Salman Khan, Mumbai Sessions Court plans to consider the total term Salman Khan spent in Bollywood jails. According to sources in the court, the Sessions court judge who gave 5 years term to Salman in hit-run case agreed to consider Salman's total years spent in Bollywood jail, which would shorten his total term.
"As per defence lawyer, Salman has already spent total 4 years and 11 months and 29 days in his jail term in jail. If he has been given 5 years jail term it will be the term of more than 9 years. He asked judge to consider jail term of 1 day. Judge said that he will consider on such terms," said the source.
According to the source, if same law applies to Sanjay Dutt, he will be released today itself.

Beef plans to eat Rishi Kapoor

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 2 April 2015 | Posted in , , , , , ,

After reading his liberal views and pure love for all beefs, one bullock in India is planning to eat Rishi Kapoor. The bull confirmed that Rishi would be his first non-veg try but hopefully it would be really tasty.
"I am looking forward for a strong combination of meat and bones in Rishi Kapoor. I asked my cook buffalo to try different cuisines full of Rishi's meat and bones. Hopefully, I would get tasty tangadi fry and Rishi tandoori or Kapoor kabab in return," said the bull who was upset for changing laws in India.
"Now I am not popular after Maharashtra state government banned beef. While I am thankful to those who voiced against the cancellation of the special treatment for me by channelizing my meat to millions of tummies, I specially think of thanking Rishi who looks like me and understands my pain deeply," said the bullock.
The bullock told India Satire correspondent that he would be ready to break the laws and still be comfortable giving similar special treatment to Rishi Kapoor.
"He need not be worried, for a change I will eat him and will provide the similar experience that beef enjoys. His meat, I believe would be Yummy," said bullock.

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