ISRO to put Pakistan into orbit in its next mission

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 15 February 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

After successful launch of 104 satellites into orbit, Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) has decided to put entire Pakistan in the space orbit in its next mission. The India's premier space research organisation in its next mission roadmap officially announced that the terrorist country will be put in the orbit once and for all. The official press release stated that it was almost finishing the final work on the project that will finally clear the garbage and nuisance of the world. ISRO source told India Satire correspondent that world leaders are excited to see how Pakistan flies into skies and the world would be less polluted. "However, they put one condition. Take Pakistan beyond the current solar orbit so that no terrorist will come to the earth again."

India secretly deployed nuclear bombs just below toilet seats of Pakistanis - Pakistan Foreign Office

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 9 February 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

After stunning claims that India built a 'secret nuclear city', Pakistan's Foreign Office revealed a new shocking claim. FO spokesman Nafees Zakaria claimed India has also deployed all its nuclear bombs just under the toilet seats of Pakistanis. 
"India is fully exposed today. Now its evil intentions to destroy Pakistan are clear. Our intelligence sources told us that India has strategically sent all its nuclear bombs through drainage pipe line and settled them just under our toilet seats," Zakaria claimed "While we are committed to bring peace across the world, India with its evil doing is constantly hurts the entire region. Now everyone in Pakistan requires to go to open air toilet as a slight mistake of using our toilets will create a large scale massacre."

Zakaria also claimed that India has deployed nuclear capable missiles on Mars and are directed towards Pakistan.

Rahul Gandhi starts learning few small witchcraft techniques

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 8 February 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

​New Delhi

Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi has joined tuitions for witchcraft techniques to eliminate all the nasty things surrounded him. Taught by popular Baba Chamunda Bengali, the witchcraft techniques are highly effective in controlling the known and unknown enemies and reduce the impact of negative energies on Rahul Baba. According to Congress Party sources, Rahul Gandhi needs to something special to eliminate his enemies and reclaim the position of Prime Minister of India in the next elections and therefore for Congress Party leadership decided to send him to celebrity kala jaadu saint Baba Chamunda Bengali.

​"Two days back I received the request from Congress Party High Command to help Rahul Baba learning the witchcraft techniques and remove his enemies from their existence. Yesterday, early morning at 1.00 pm Rahul Baba arrived at my door and requested me to accept him as my student," Baba Chamunda Bengali told India Satire correspondent "I will perfectly train him to conquer all his enemies, like what I did with PM Narendra Modi."

Baba Chamunda Bengali told India Satire correspondent that he will start with different uses of nimbu like nimbu maarna, nimbu daalna, nimbu kaatna. Thereafter, he will teach Rahul different mantras and tantras and their benefits. He will also tell him how to hold skull and rotate the bone to effectively depress the enemy attack and send laser beam at the same time.

"I will train him to last level of kala jaadu," Baba Chamunda Bengali said.

The above article is purely Fake News and Satire

Work is the last best thing people want to do at their jobs - Study

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 6 February 2017 | Posted in , , , , ,

A study conducted by Monster India confirms that work is the last thing that enthuse an employee. Study covering almost all the cities of India with 93,745 respondents stated that 99% of Indians love to spend time on free internet, person to person chatting, gossiping and de-linking house related stress at work.

"Most of them told us that office is the best place where they can relax and have rest. Work is just a time pass and perfect way to demonstrate their acting skills," Deepak Sharma, surveyor of Monster India confirmed. He told India Satire correspondent that 1% which declined to the perception that the work is last best thing they wanted to do love to act.

PM advisory suggests using Fair and Lovely to turn white from black

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 12 January 2017 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

Prime Minister's office issued an advisory to entire nation to use Fair and Lovely fairness cream to turn white from black. The advisory came in the midnight saying start using Fair and Lovely tomorrow morning onwards like our honourable Prime Minister does.

"That way you will look white," said the advisory. A PMO source told India Satire correspondent that this was PM's surgical strike on complex of people over black skin in India.

Manish Sisodia confirms Arvind Kejriwal will continue to keep on bragging even if elected as Punjab Chief Minister

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Tuesday, 10 January 2017 | Posted in , , , , , ,

"There will be no change in Arvind's gossiping, bitching and boasting nature even if he becomes chief minister of the big state like Punjab," in a packed press conference Delhi Deputy Chief Minister Manish Sisodia confirmed "He will continue to brag and will always remain down to earth like any character in Ekta Kapoor's serials."

Manish Sisodia who yesterday said that Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal may become Punjab Chief Minister and so on so forth was addressing the concerns of common people who were worried about their time pass will be stopped immediately after Kejriwal becomes the Punjab CM. People who love Kejriwal's funny arguments and rhetorics in between the boring Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi ego clashes asked Sisodia whether Kejriwal excel his character and become more serious and sensible.

Sisodia told the entire nation "Arvind knows entire nation loves him for doing some time pass. Even at home he gossips about neighbours and relatives with his family members. That's his basic nature other than some laziness in the bed. He can't leave his fundamental values even if he becomes Prime Minister of Timbak Too."

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