Mamata Banerjee out of danger now; symptoms of Kejeria freed from her body confirms doctor

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Monday, 5 December 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,

West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee who was infected by serious disease of Delhi called as Kejeria is now out of danger, confirmed the Kolkata doctors.

"Mamata Didi is fine now. All Bongo people can start eating again. We have removed every last Kejeria from her body. Now she will stop acting strange here on," Doctor Pronob Mokherjee told India Satire correspondent "Kejoria (Kejeria) is the famous virus similar like Malaria which unlike Malaria changes the behavioural pattern of the victim. The patient starts behaving strangely, almost on the verge of getting admitted to Agra Hospital. This virus is currently available in Delhi and gradually spreading across Punjab and its neighbouring states."

According to the doctor, the Kejeria generally gasps the person who stays with Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal for at least 5-10 minutes. It is highly contagious and sure shot vaccine is yet to be discovered.

"Research work is still going on. However, removing Kejeria fully is impossible task. I could only tell Mamata didi to avoid visiting Delhi CM's house for some time," Dr Mokherjee said.

Should Opposition Parties Oppose Every Government Move?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Sunday, 4 December 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor: Bhishma Kukreti

After Modi's financial strike, most of opposition parties have been opposing the demonetization.  Boss asked me for finding the real duties of opposition parties.

I called Akhilesh Yadav the UP CM, "Akhilesh Ji! What are the duties of opposition parties?"

Instead of reply he asked, "You mean my uncle as opposition leader or Amar Singh uncle as villain leader?"

I replied, "No! No! Nobody is interested in Yadav Kunba fight.  I am talking about general political opposition parties"

Akhilesh replied, "Oh! In Lucknow, Bahujan Samaj Party as main opposition party should cooperate with my government on every front. The duty of opposition party is to support government on each good work by government."

 I asked, "I am talking about your family party Samajvadi Party as opposition party in centre."

Akhilesh answered, "Oh! Our family party! We are in opposition in parliament. Therefore, our duties are for opposing every move by Modi government. That is the reason I said black money is necessary for Indian economy."

"You mean to say you will also oppose if Modi says in parliament, "Mulyam Singh Yadav is seasoned political leader and  ..."

Akhilesh replied instantly, "My all cousins will shout in parliament," Mulyam Singh Yadav is not seasonal leader"  "What? What? What did you ask  ...?"

I cut the phone and called Mayavati.

Mayavati shouted on me, I shall oppose every move of everybody till I am not made Prime Minister."

She cut the phone.

I called Mamata Banerjee.

Mamata Banerjee shouted on me, "What do you mean by my duties? I am born opposition leader. I shall oppose even Modi eradicating poverty."

I asked," You mean you will oppose and unite other opposition parties if Modi proposes you as Indian Prime Minister."

She replied, "Yes I shall go to Rashtrpati  Ji for not making me as Prime Minister. "What? What? What did you ask  ...?"

I cut the phone.

It was unnecessary for calling Rahul Gandhi as he can't reply by his own.

I called Nitish Kumar the Bihar CM and asked. He replied, "We shall support what is good for India. I shall oppose what is bad for India and bad for my political survival. Ours is an Indian political party and not Opposite India party."

I did not call Naveen Patnaiak the Orissa CM as he is also Indian politician and not Opposite India politician.

 

 Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Are Nitish Kumar and Naveen Patnaiak are best Alternate for Narendra Modi?

Posted by Rajat Bedi | | Posted in , , , , , , , , , ,

South Asian Humor- Bhishma Kukreti

These days, there is a talk in intellectual circle about anti Modi space and aspirants for filling that anti Modi space.

After surgical strike by Indian Army against Pakistani terrorists, there have been turmoil in Anti BJP Indian political world and it is continued after demonetization by Modi government.

Definitely, there is a space as 'Anti Narendra Modi' in Indian politics and every cat, mouse and politician trying for filling that 'space'. Every cunning fox has birth right, constitutional right and political right for filling that 'Anti Modi Space' including Mamata Banerjee. However, while attacking a pray, the cunning fox also knows that if wrong strategy is applied there is the danger of death.

I am shocked to see the strategies applied by various Indian political parties against demonetization. In marketing, it is not necessary for criticizing the opponents for gaining a space in consumer black box (mind). Same way, it is not must for politicians criticizing Narendra Modi for gaining 'Anti Modi Space'. A normal marketing fellow is confused by acts by wisest politicians as Kejariwal, Akhilesh and Mamata. Rahul Gandhi never proved that he is a wise man at all. Therefore, nobody expects wise step from Rahul.

Kejariwal is an ex-IRS- officer but now, he lost his mind, intellect and pride and he don't understand that just criticizing Modi would not benefit him.

Akhilesh is facing many different opponents and shows that Akhilesh is a confused politician. That is why he criticized demonetization and supported black money as necessary ingredient for economy. It is a foolish statement from a PM aspirant. Marketing principle suggests that fill the anti leader space by a strong alternate and not by foolish alternate.

Mamata Banerjee is the most selfish politician of our time.  Mamata pushed Eastern Part of India twenty years back from industrialization point of view by throwing Tata Motors out of Bengal. She wanted to become an alternate for Modi but failed miserably in understanding that poor, lower class and lower middle class Indians want corruption free India. Those Indians saw demonetization as hope for corrupt less India. Same way, most of Indians did not like Mamata making simple military exercise as the tool to criticize Modi. An aspirant Indian PM should be behaving as dignified personality and not a whimsical person. 

It is useless to talk about Rahul Gandhi as future Indian PM. Though, even the God can't offer guarantee for human being's future.

Yes, for last many years, Nitish Kumar the Bihar CM, Naveen Patnaiak the Orissa CM show that they judge the situation by analysis and act accordingly. Indians will definitely find them as alternates for Narendra Modi. Indians require wise politician as a PM and not cunning, foolish and not those who don't understand Indians insight.

 

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, 2016

Mamata Banerjee to deploy herself and TMC workers on Kashmir borders to replace Indian army

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 1 December 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , ,

West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee who has locked herself in her office reacting to Indian army's presence at toll plazas in the state said that she would now deploy herself with TMC workers facing all the bullets of Pakistan on the border.

"Hom Poriborton chahate hai (We want change). Wo (Modi Government) ogor ormy ko Bongo ke dhorti ke toll ploza pe deploy kor shokte hai to hom bhi border pe joyenge (If the Modi Government deploys army at toll plazas in West Bengal, I will also go to Indian borders). Hom chhodenge nohi. Homaare soth homare party workers bhi cholenge (I will not let them go so easily. I will be accompanied by Trinamool Congress Party workers to border," Mamata didi confirmed.

When asked her will she face the Pakistani bullets at the border, she asked her party worker "Oho ho! Udi baba! Kya Pokiston soch me goli chola raha hai? (Is Pakistan really shooting bullets on the border?) Mojhe loga tha ki wo shirf Modi ji ka propaganda hai. Oh ok tu ja border pe shob ko shoth leke, mein bod me aaungi. (Ok you, the party worker go to the border with every party worker, I will come later.)"

Donald Trump releases his pre-recorded voice tapes to clear the air on his discussion with Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Wednesday, 30 November 2016 | Posted in , , , , , , , ,


​To pull down all the Pakistanis from their dreams which have seen yesterday night of conquering India by Pakistan along with China and USA, the newly elected President of US Donald Trump's transition team released all the recorded tapes of Trump which discussed the same content with all the chiefs of the countries which called him congratulating for his Presidential victory.

"Is he some kind of stupid ass to answer personally to every other prime ministers or presidents of 4th and 5th world countries?," Reince Priebus, Chief of staff of the transition team of Donald Trump questioned the press reporter of the India Satire who called him after the Pakistan news paper story reported sugar coated words of Trump for Pakistan's Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif "Do you think he is gonna answer the president or prime minister of some country called Congo, Nigeria, Somalia, Papua New Guinea or Pakistan? He already recorded his voice samples while we just changed few words from these samples to let these stupid people feel they are praised by world's most powerful leader of the most powerful country."

To give an example Priebus showed few samples to the India Satire correspondent, clearing the air that Pakistan matters to the developed world.

Papua New Guinea

Prime Minister - Peter O'Neill

Following is the text of the conversation between PM Peter and Trump, as released by government's Press Information Department (PID).

Prime Minister Peter O'Neill called President-elect USA Donald Trump and felicitated him on his victory. President Trump said Prime Minister Peter O'Neill you have a very good reputation. You are a terrific guy. You are doing amazing work which is visible in every way. I am looking forward to see you soon. As I am talking to you Prime Minister, I feel I am talking to a person I have known for long. Your country is amazing with tremendous opportunities. People of Papua New Guinea are one of the most intelligent people. I am ready and willing to play any role that you want me to play to address and find solutions to the outstanding problems. It will be an honor and I will personally do it. Feel free to call me any time even before 20th January that is before I assume my office.

On being invited to visit Papua New Guinea by the Prime Minister, Mr. Trump said that he would love to come to a fantastic country, fantastic place of fantastic people. Please convey to the people of Papua New Guinea that they are amazing and all people of Papua New Guinea I have known are exceptional people, said Mr. Donald Trump

Republic of the Congo

Prime Minister - Clément Mouamba

Following is the text of the conversation between PM Clément and Trump, as released by government's Press Information Department (PID).

Prime Minister Clément Mouamba called President-elect USA Donald Trump and felicitated him on his victory. President Trump said Prime Minister Clément Mouamba you have a very good reputation. You are a terrific guy. You are doing amazing work which is visible in every way. I am looking forward to see you soon. As I am talking to you Prime Minister, I feel I am talking to a person I have known for long. Your country is amazing with tremendous opportunities. People of Republic of the Congo are one of the most intelligent people. I am ready and willing to play any role that you want me to play to address and find solutions to the outstanding problems. It will be an honor and I will personally do it. Feel free to call me any time even before 20th January that is before I assume my office.

On being invited to visit Republic of the Congo by the Prime Minister, Mr. Trump said that he would love to come to a fantastic country, fantastic place of fantastic people. Please convey to the people of Republic of the Congo that they are amazing and all people of Republic of the Congo I have known are exceptional people, said Mr. Donald Trump

China  

President - Xi Jinping

Following is the text of the conversation between President Xi Jinping and Trump, as released by government's Press Information Department (PID).

President Xi Jinping called President-elect USA Donald Trump and felicitated him on his victory. President Trump said Prime Minister Xi Jinping you have a very good reputation. You are a terrific guy. You are doing amazing work which is visible in every way. I am looking forward to see you soon. As I am talking to you Prime Minister, I feel I am talking to a person I have known for long. Your country is amazing with tremendous opportunities. People of China are one of the most intelligent people. I am ready and willing to play any role that you want me to play to address and find solutions to the outstanding problems. It will be an honor and I will personally do it. Feel free to call me any time even before 20th January that is before I assume my office.

On being invited to visit China by the President, Mr. Trump said that he would love to come to a fantastic country, fantastic place of fantastic people. Please convey to all Chinese people that they are amazing and all Chinese I have known are exceptional people, said Mr. Donald Trump

Same conversation with other nations such as Nigeria, Libya and many more, confirmed Priebus.

Water Crisis in 2075

Posted by Rajat Bedi | Thursday, 17 November 2016 | Posted in , , , , , ,


​South Asian Humor:   Bhishma Kukreti

E-Diary - Christmas 2075

My great grandfather was lucky that on Sunday, he and his family used to wake up after eight AM. Then they used to take breakfast. His diary is with me and he wrote that on Sunday, after breakfast, they used to sleep. Then they used to take lunch at two PM and again used to go for sleep. Sunday means a sleeping day not only for them for all Indians Sunday used to be sleeping day.

However, we are not lucky as my great grandfather and his family. We have to wake at four AM on Sunday.  After waking, we wipe our face and clean eyes by special 'non-hydro' tissue paper . The wife keeps 'Thirst   Resistance Injection 'ready and we all members have to take 'Thirst Resistance Injection 'by our own. After taking 'Thirst Resistance Injection', we take Tea or Coffee alkaloid tablets as per our need. These tablets don't require water to gulp.

Exactly at four thirty AM, I watch television (the gazette is within hand watch and the screen is in the air) . Now days, there is no excitement in watching news in morning. For many years same types of news are there. Russia has been attacking its neighbors for some buckets of water. . Chechnya, Sardonic, Check, Yugoslavia are not fighting ethnic battles on daily basis but do battle for few cups of water from rivulets within the geography. Iran and Iraq are busy for water battle for many decades. One day Iraq wins and gets two buckets of water and other day Iran wins and becomes fortunate to gain one and half litter water. North and South Korea are now one country and fighting with Japan for ten buckets of water. Most of the time, Japan is winner. In Africa, now, the water battle has taken new turn. Now, in Africa, the battle is not within Kabilas (tribes) but within families for a bucket of water. Water shortage made Africa the continent of thousands countries. Every second, there is entry of new African members in UNO as families became the countries in Africa. Europe does not have Euro as currency but now, it is called Eurowater' as common currency of Europe. America is still dominating country as it along with Canada are major exporters of water to developing countries and these countries twist the under developed countries by offering them a  bottle of water in a month. Definitely, the water is not distributed to public but is used by highest authorities in the name of public benefits.

Every month, Bangladesh threatens India that if it is not given extra thirty buckets of water she will jump into Chinese camp and India has to provide extra thirty buckets of water to Bangladesh. Now a day, there is no battle for Kashmir between Pakistan and India but for Sindhu rivulet (now Sindhu River is not river but small rivulet). Due to battle along with the bank of Sindhu , both countries cant get single drop of Sindhu water but political compulsions for  both the countries keep them fighting for Sindhu rivulet.

In Indian front, there is always news about water scams by all leaders. Since, each and every leaders of all political or social organizations are engaged in water scam, no opposition party attacks other organizations or leaders for water scams. People enter into politics to get water benefits only.

After watching these boring news, I and my wife take dry bath which is very costly and we can afford this dry bath on weekly basis. As far as water bath is concerned, we Indians are fortunate that we get a bucket per person from government once in six months. The news is that in most of the countries, there is no any custom of water bath. Now a days, we don't celebrate Deepawali or Makar Sankranti festivals but the day, we gat bathing water that day is our deposal, Rakhshabandhan or Holi etc.

My wife and I see that children take dry bath on weekly basis

After dry bath, we both have to be ready for the Sunday's compulsory tasks.

I shall go to Drinking Water Ration Shop at eight AM and will get three liter water for a weak. Though, we are four members in family but according to Ration card we are six members (definitely I had to pay heavy price to public distribution officer to do so). Though, census shows that Indian population is two hundred Crores but in reality is one fifty crores because everybody show more family members than actual to get extra water.    Till four o clock I get three liters water and come back happily. In the mean time, the wife who is in the line of Cooking Water Rashion shop from eight Am will also return happily. At five PM, I shall stand in the line of Thirst Resistance injection Rashion Shop and wife will stand in the line of various food and beverage tablets Rashion shop. These tablets don't require water to gulp. At nine PM we shall return to our house as if we have won the Sindh battle.

At ten PM, we all Muhalla Wales irrespective of our religions and sects, will assemble at Jal Devi Mandir and will pray "O Jal Devi! Please bring back all those glaciers which have been wiped out due to greed of our forefathers. O! Jal Devi! Bring back the season rains"

Copyright @ Bhishma Kukreti

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